Be Strong, My Navy Sailor

Disclaimer; For obvious reasons, I am not going to use any names in this blog to protect our Seaman Recruit and those he loves.  I will however be sharing some photos and a few videos, I just hope that's okay.

July of 2015.  That is when this all began for our family.  Our oldest son had graduated High School just a few months prior.  Since he and his best friend were avid lovers of Jazz and all things music, my wife and I took them to New Orleans for a week as a Graduation gift.  We had a wonderful time visiting some of the oldest graveyards in the country, going on ghost tours and enjoying the sights and sounds of the birthplace of Jazz.  Once we got home and got settled back in, reality began to set in on our grad.  He didn't have a path to take for his future and he seemed a little lost.  He finally discovered the Navy and it felt right for him.  He became excited about his future and began his life in the DEP.  He took his oath in September and he said then that he couldn't wait.  Fast forward 6 months to April 10th, 2016.  He began a two day journey into a personal hell that I will try my best to document below.

Sunday April 10th, 2016

He got himself plenty of sleep the night before and seemed in pretty good spirits.  We all knew he was nervous because he wasn't eating much at all.  That we out of the norm for him as he is a foodie and loves to eat Dad's cooking.  He nibbled on things here and there, but he never really ate a full meal.

Monday April 11th, 2016

He slept pretty well again, my wife and I thought maybe his nerves were starting to subside a little.  We were wrong.  I worked a half day so I could come home and take him to the Recruiting Office to pick up his orders and then drop him off at the hotel so he could prepare for his big day.  We stopped at one of his favorite restaurants for a quick bite to eat and one last family meal before he left; Popeye's Chicken.  He ordered a 2 Piece White Dinner, Mild, with Macaroni and Cheese as his side.  He never touched it.  He just covered it with a napkin and left it at that.  Him not eating in a restaurant was nothing new.  He would order it, nibble on it and say he was full, then box it up and take it home.  As soon as we'd hit the house, he would microwave it and devour every last morsel.  I walked up and grabbed him a to-go box, hoping he would tear his food up once we got to the car.  He never did.  We dropped him off at the hotel at 5:50 pm.  Never one to show his emotions, his eyes welled up with tears as we hugged him before he went inside.  My wife, his girlfriend and I all broke down in tears as soon as we got in the car to drive off.  We had a few errands to run before we could head back home, so we did just that.  At 10 pm we finally made it back.  We had all been talking to him on the phone for a few hours leading up and again, he seemed in pretty good spirits.  We knew he was nervous, we could hear it in his voice.  My wife decided to take a shower, and I decided I would write him an epic poem of love, encouragement and inspiration!  I finished writing and my wife got out of the shower just as he texted her.  He asked if he could call.  Of course!  

Driving our Future Sailor to the hotel the night before shipping out.

What he would say from 11:30 pm until roughly 2:30 am, my wife and I were never fully prepared for.  "I'm not strong enough to do this.  I am so scared.  I'm only 18 years old.  I just need a few more months to prepare myself.  I can't do this.  I settled for my job.  I don't want to be an Aviation Tech.  I'm not good enough for the Navy.  I won't know anyone there and everyone will make fun of me because of how scared I am.  I want to come home.  Please come and get me and bring me home."  He was dry heaving and sobbing heavily for the nearly 3 hours we were on the phone with him.  We did our best to encourage him, to remind him of how proud and excited he was the day he took his oath for the Navy.  How every single person going into Great Lakes had the same feelings that he was having.  He was not alone and that no matter how far away we were from him, we were always right there with him as long as he carried us in his heart.  How he would be able to see the world with the Navy and do things that we could only hope to one day do.  We told him how parents always want better for their children and this was his easiest and best way to do better than us.  The things he told us ripped our hearts out of our chest and threw them on the ground.  Shattering them into a million, tiny little pieces.  We endured and we continued to encourage him.  He knew that his wake up call was at 4 am and that time was rapidly approaching.  We said our I love yous and hung up the phone with him.

I sat on the bed with three sheets of paper in front of me.  All with writing on them.  I told my wife that my intentions were to write him a wonderful poem of encouragement and inspiration, but I have the creativity of a field mouse now in my advanced age.  I read her the first poem of only about 10 lines and tossed it aside, "Man that sucks", to which she laughed.  I read her the second poem of about 8 lines and tossed it aside as well, "I'm just horrible anymore."  She laughed again.  I picked up the third piece of paper, "When I finally decided to write this and I was done with it, I knew this was what I was wanting to write all along, but rhyming is hard."  Below is that letter that I wrote nearly 2 hours before he called and asked to come home.  It is almost prophetic.  For me anyway.

Son,

I had this grand scheme where I was going to write this amazing, uplifting, motivational poem for you to read when times were tough and you were feeling down and didn't think you had what it took to carry on.  Unfortunately, your old man just isn't as creative as he once was.  So instead, read this letter when you're faced with adversity.

I don't have anything to give you that you can take to make things better while at Boot Camp, except for me.  Take everything that I am and use it to help get you through these next two months.  Take my strength when you are feeling weak.  I will lay bed ridden for the next two months, just take my strength.  Take my courage when you're afraid and feel all alone.  I will live in constant fear so you don't have to.  On nights when you can't sleep, you can have my rest.  I will stay awake for eight straight weeks if it means one night of sleep for you.

Take me with you, Son.  For I am already there anyway.  I am always with you.  I am always in your heart.  Be strong, my Navy Sailor.

Love,

Dad

April 11th, 2016 Shipping Day

At 4 am, just an hour and a half after we hung up the phone with him he called again.  He told us that he managed to get a little bit of sleep and that he was feeling a lot better about shipping out.  Both my wife and I let out a gigantic sigh of relief!  Praise God, our prayers for strength and calm had been answered.  We thought.  We arrived at MEPS a little bit before 9 am with hopes and excitement in our hearts.  Two of our closest friends would be with us to help see our son off on his biggest adventure of his life.  When we walked in, he was sitting down, waiting on us and smiling.  He waved and excited wave and came to greet us.  We hugged him and had him sit with us.  For the next three hours we watched as his demeanor changed from calm and cool to terrified, ill and ashen.  He got up on three or four separate occasions to go to the bathroom to be sick.  Since he had not eaten in almost 48 hours, it was just a dry heave.  He would return to his seat and just hunch over and barely move.  He had the shakes and kept saying he was freezing.  He wrapped himself in my wife's coat and cuddled with her and his girlfriend.  Our friends arrived over the next hour or so and we all talked and laughed and tried really hard to take his mind off of everything.  Nothing we did helped.  At around 11 am, the recruits were called into the debriefing room.  The spent almost 40 minutes in there with the recruits and then had all of the friends and families line up on the sidewalk outside to send them off.  The kid that went into that room and then emerged from the MEPS building was two completely different people!  He walked in with his head hung low, his face ashen and his body shaking with tears in his eyes.  He walked out with his head held high, color back in his face, his body language was that of pure confidence and his eyes were bright once more and he was wearing a smile!  He told us what we were supposed to do to be able to see him off at the airport.  We hugged him again, told him how proud we were of him and watched as he got on the shuttle toward Indy International.  

Walking out toward the shuttle to the airport.

Here is a video of our Future Sailor walking out of MEPS toward HIS future!  Video credit goes to my very good friend, J.  Thank you for capturing this moment for us.

Walking Out of MEPS

At the airport, I begged him to eat something and to try to get a little bit of sleep before his flight.  He still didn't feel like eating, but he did lay down on the floor and rested a little bit.  It would be almost three hours before his flight took off for Chicago O'Hare.  We spent the time together as a family, laughing, joking and continuing to do our best to encourage him.  His spirits were much higher than they had been the last two days, which was a great thing to see.  It was time to board his plane and say his final goodbyes.  We watched as his plane took off for Chicago.  Our Future Sailor was gone off to Great Lakes.

One final family photo before he flies out to Great Lakes.

One last hug from his brother.

Next stop, Great Lakes, Illinois!

We came home after a very busy day for everyone involved and waited.  My wife took a quick nap and I had to run to work for a few minutes.  By the time I got back, he had texted my wife and told her how hungry he was.  The past two days of not eating had finally caught up to him.  He said he was afraid he was going to pass out due to not eating.  She told him that she would not eat for the rest of the night either in support of him, and I followed suit.  It is almost 18 hours later and while I know he has finally had a chance to have some chow, I still have not eaten.  We received the "I'm okay and I'm safe" phone call at 8:21 Eastern Standard Time.  It was so great to hear the excitement back in his voice.  We told him how proud we are of him and how much we love him.  He told us he loved us too and he was gone.  

We will burn this candle for you every night, my son.

I am still numb to everything and the worst part is not knowing. I still haven't truly cried for him either and I'm a cryer. It's what I do. I cry during sappy commercials and movies and I cry when I think about my boys being little.  I cry at just about everything, except for this.  I haven't really cried yet.  I've teared up, but I haven't cried.   I have already begun writing him letters and his mother has as well.  Instead of counting the days and weeks, we are going to count the Fridays.  

On Sunday April 9th, as my wife and I were laying in bed talking about the upcoming two days, a song popped into my head that I had not heard or thought of in over 20 years.  In high school I was a choir kid.  I loved everything singing and that included Musicals.  In the early 1990's there was a hit Broadway Musical called Jekyll and Hyde.  It is the story of, you guessed it, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  The climactic song is a powerful, inspirational one that on this day I said "This is our son's song.  This is HIS moment!"  This IS his moment.  This is his time.  Please give this song a listen and enjoy.  It is such a perfect song for our son.  I present to you, This is the Moment, from Jekyll and Hyde as performed by Anthony Warlow.

This is the day, see it sparkle and shine.  When all I've lived for becomes mine.

In closing this blog, I just want to say how proud we are of our Seaman Recruit and cannot wait until we are able to see him again.  Fair Winds and Following Seas.  Enjoy this ride, buddy!

A photo of our Future Sailor from 2009.  Foreshadowing maybe?

He truly is my hero.  He is brave in a way that I could never be.

Be strong, my Navy Sailor.