But here's my number...

Okay, so now that this summer's "catchy tune" is stuck in your head I am going to write about some stuff.  Lots of stuff swirling around in my crazy, wacky head today.  Some of them political, which really ticks me off because all politicians need to be replaced.  And I am even talking about the politicians who aspire to be on the state or national level.  They all need to be moved to a state that we don't really need, like Wyoming, or Kansas or something like that and just drop a nuke on the whole place and start over again.  Get Constitutionalists in Washington.  People who will defend the Constitution and uphold it.  There is not a single one in Washington or at a state level who is doing any of that.  So that is my recommendation.  In case anyone cared.

Last Monday I had the opportunity to testify in the trial of a man who made a complete ass of himself at the Burger King I used to work at.  The kid, who we will refer to as Will from here on out, was in my restaurant back in February of this year.  I was on boards (making sandwiches) that day, apparently I forgot the bacon on Will's sandwich, so he came back in to "let me have it".  I made his sandwich a second time, and it wasn't good enough for him because there wasn't enough bacon on his sandwich, even though I put the proper specs on his sandwich.  So I made his sandwich a third time and put the exact same amount of bacon on his sandwich.  Now, to make this story very short, Will was told over twenty times to leave my store, to which he refused.  Once he finally decided to leave, he felt the need to throw an elbow to the back of my employee.  The police were called and he was taken to jail on battery and trespassing charges.

Fast-forward to this past Monday during the trial.  Myself, a former employee of mine and a customer who witnessed the incident all showed up to testify against Will.  Mine and my employee's testimony alone most likely would have been enough to put Will away.  But the customer's testimony, whom I had never seen before in my life until that day, and had not seen since that day, put the nail in Will's coffin.  When we arrived at the courthouse, the prosecutor took the three of us into an empty hallway and explained to us that Will was already on probation for a violent drug crime when all of this happened.  Why was he NOT in jail still?!?!  I digress.  We were told by the prosecutor that he was going after the maximum sentence against Will.  JUSTICE!!!

We waited in the courtroom for over two hours before we were finally called up to the bench.  The three of us testified first.  Questions were asked by both sides to all of the prosecution's witnesses.  I got the idea immediately that the defense attorney was trying to play it up that Will was the victim in this case.  I was right.  Will began testifying as the first witness of the defense.  He testified that me and my employee were threatening to him and were trying to get physical with him.  I literally had to stifle a laugh.  His entire testimony was a lie.  The only part that wasn't was that it took place in my Burger King.

So after all of the testimonies were given, the judge rendered his verdict.  Will was found guilty!  Sentencing began immediately.  The defense talked about how it just wasn't in the people's best interest to give Will a jail sentence over what equates to a $2.00 sandwich and Will being a jerk.  DUH!!!  The prosecution then argued that the law is the law and trespassing and battery were trespassing and battery.  And that when you're on  probation, you don't get probation.  GREAT LINE!!!  After ripping Will in half for being a douche bag and being back in his court for the second time in less than a year, the judge revoked his probation and sentenced him to 180 days per charge.  That means that Will is going to be in jail for the next two years.  Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars!  The sheriff's deputy put cuffs on Will immediately and took him out of the courtroom.  See ya in about 730 days Will!  Stupid.

Okay, enough about that.  Let's get to what I really wanted to come here to talk about.

In the past four to five years, Amanda and I have had a marriage that a lot of people envy.  We never fight, we're never hateful to each other, we show each other the utmost respect and we deeply love each other.

However, this last year I have noticed that sometimes we fight.  Sometimes we can be hateful to each other.  And I don't like it all, just like I know Amanda doesn't like it at all.  I wasn't sure what in the world was going on, so I started praying.  I prayed hard.  I asked God what in the world was going on in my marriage?  It felt like we were losing our footing.  It seemed as though the past five years was just a moment of zen, and reality was coming back home to knock us both in the face and tear us down.  So I prayed.  I continued to pray to God to show me the answers.  Please Lord, reveal to me what is happening and how we fix it.  As a bit of side note, please understand that the past year has not been a bad year for our marriage.  It just felt at times as though things were coming apart at the seams.  I had been praying for quite a while, when the other night things seemed to come to a head.  We had it out and we both ended up falling asleep angry.  I woke up after being asleep for only an hour or so and my mind began racing.  I nearly sent myself into a panic attack.  I finally fell back asleep at around 7am.  After a few more hours of sleep I woke up.  Amanda, already awake, sitting beside me.  We talked for a long time.  Talked.  Not argued.  Talked.

We worked things out, and together we figured out that our marriage was under attack from the devil.  The enemy was doing his best to try to rip our marriage up bit by bit.  And he was succeeding.  The wonderful thing about having God in our lives is that we have an Ace up our sleeves.  He wants ALL marriages to succeed.  I invoked the name of Jesus to make the devil flee from our lives once more and began praying for the Lord to restore what had been damaged.  Since that day, our marriage has been fun once more.  It has that zip that had been absent for a time.  We are back.  While our love never wavered, there were doubt from both of us.  Now I believe we can both confidently say that there is no more doubt.  Only love.


Below are a couple of videos that mean a lot to Amanda and I.  Give them a listen if you'd like.

God Gave Me You by Dave Barnes.  This is the original, beautiful version of this song.  

This is the song that Amanda and I chose to be "our song".  Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd

Yep, I'm being attacked

There are quite a few things that I have had on my mind lately and if I don't let them out, I just might blow my top.  First on my mind is the entire ordeal going on with our youngest son, Cullen.  He is our Aspie.  He's my little buddy and I love him with all my heart.  I would take a bullet for him and I would fight to the death for him.  Fight to the death...That's something we've been having to do a lot of lately.  Because of a certain principal at a middle school on the west side of Martinsville, Cullen's first year of High School is turning out to be very difficult.  It is almost time for school to start, and he barely has a schedule.  It is a very bare boned schedule.  He has not been placed in Orchestra, which he excelled in in his time at the middle school level.  We were not informed, as we should have been, that Cullen would have to audition for Orchestra.  So here we are, three weeks out from the start of classes, and Cullen has not had his audition.  We have emailed the director of Martinsville High School's Orchestra and her response was simple.  Cullen will need to have violin lessons in order to catch up to what he has missed while out of the school on the west side of town.  Remember, he has three weeks to do these lessons and do his audition and get Orchestra put on his schedule for his 9th grade year.  

Frustration is starting to set in as we are struggling to keep in contact with the Orchestra teacher.  Amanda and I have  BOTH tried to reach her via email, only to not hear a response.  Our son deserves the same opportunities that other students have already been given.  I am so aggravated and furious with how all of this has went down that I could just scream.  In no way, shape or form do I think that my son will be the next Wolfgang Mozart (yes, he was a violinist), but I know he enjoys being in Orchestra and enjoys playing his violin and is actually pretty good at it.  He also deserves the same chance to be in Orchestra as everyone else had.  If he does not receive his chance, you can be certain that I'll be raising some hell.  I love hearing my son play his violin.  It is sweet music to my ears.  It is beautiful to me in a way I had never heard before.  I love hearing him play and pray very much that he will get in to Orchestra class this year.

Now on to the second thing that has been eating at me for a while.  Any time I post anything at all on Facebook, I get one of three reactions.  I either get silence, an "I agree" or lambasted.  First of all, let me explain that I post what I want, when I want it.  Secondly, let me say that I could be posting MUCH worse things like crude jokes, nude women or a bunch of political propaganda that has nothing to do with anything. But I don't.  I don't post any of those.  HOWEVER, I do post how I believe.  If you feel differently, that's fine.  But if you ridicule me for how I feel or what I believe, be prepared to be unleashed upon.  I don't treat you like crap for how you feel, and I'll be damned if you do the same thing to me.  So let me lay it all out for you right now so you know EXACTLY how I feel.  And again, if you unleash on me for how I feel or how I believe, then you had better be prepared to get unleashed upon more harshly than you've ever felt!

1.) I believe in PRO-CHOICE!  The only exception is if she uses it as a "oops, I'm a whore" excuse. (Thank you for that line Billy Cooper.)

2.) I believe that EVERY PERSON has the right to get married no matter what gender of person they choose to marry.  You have the right to choose who you want to be with for the next few years before you end up cheating on your spouse with a co-worker and then wind up divorced.  Gays have that same exact right!!!  To deny them that denies them one of their civil rights!

3.) I believe that MOST Republicans are morons.  No explanation necessary.  You're just idiots.  One of your heroes is that douchebag Rush Limbaugh.  He honestly believes that The Dark Knight Rises is a movie that was made by Democrats as political propaganda.  Freakin' retarded!!!

4.) I believe that a HUGE AMOUNT of Christians are the most closed minded group of people on the planet.  And I'm a Christian!  Don't believe me fellow Christians???  Just read through numbers 1 and 2 again and you will prove my point.  

5.) I believe that Jesus is not white at all.  He was born in the Middle East.  He grew inside of a Middle-Eastern woman.  2 + 2 DOES NOT equal "Apple".  Geez...

6.) I believe that ALL races and religions of people should be treated as equals.  Just because someone has a different view in their beliefs does not mean I'm superior over them.  It just means that they've found something that works for them.  Cool.  Except for Scientologists.  They can go f*&k themselves!

7.) I believe that MY WIFE is the most important person in my life.  If you decide to take it upon yourself to verbally attack her, I WILL strike like a viper.  I will not be pleasant, and I will treat you like the p.o.s. that you are.  GOT IT?!?!

8.) I believe that I make tons of mistakes every single day of my life.  I believe that I've made mistakes in my life that most folks could never even fathom in their wildest dreams.  I absolutely, 100% believe that I am not a better person because I have found faith in Jesus.  Since I feel that way, I would really appreciate it if you didn't think you're a better person than me because you don't believe yourself to be a sinner.  YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!  GET OVER YOURSELF!!!

9.) I WILL NOT change my mind because you THINK you're right.  If I'm wrong, then I'll deal with it once I get in front of the big guy.  Then I'll explain to him that all I wanted to do was to love EVERYONE the way that His Son told me to do!  So you might as well keep your closed minded, ignorant thoughts away from me.  Cause I'll come at ya.  

10.)  Why am I doing all of this?  Why does it seem like I'm reverting a little bit back to my old self?  Well those are two very interesting questions.  Both of which I have an equally interesting answer.  Because f*$k you, that's why!

    

Musings of a MAD man

I have SO much to blog about.  It has been so long since I've actually done this.  There are so many things that I have to say, and this is really the only forum where I can do it and be free to do it and say whatever I want.  I am going to include quite a few videos in this blog as well.  I hope that you take a moment to listen to them and allow the music to speak to you.    

I first want to talk about my job.  I absolutely love it!  I have been there since June 25, 2012.  I never thought it was possible to find a place of employment where I actually enjoy being there, but I have.  I get to work with my former BK boss and get to work with two former BK co-workers.  I enjoy being with such great friends again, and I love the new craft that I am learning.  Casual dining is so different compared to Fast Food.  Many more menu items to learn, and believe it or not, it is a much faster pace than Fast Food.  But nonetheless, I love it.  I have a great boss and have met some truly amazing new co-workers who's friendships I will always cherish.

The next topic I want to discuss is an event that is happening in the very early part of September.  I have the privilege of conducting the wedding ceremony of two of my former BK kids.  I recently became an Ordained Minister to do this for them.  I'm really excited about it, but very nervous at the same time as this is my kids' big day and I don't want to mess it up.  I have lots of time to practice before we get to the shindig, but I'm still nervous.  So, Cody, Tay, there will always be tough times.  There will always be disagreements.  There might even always be struggles.  But remember, 100% of the time, Love Never Fails.  I would like to dedicate this song to the two of you in advance of your wedding.

Of course, being able to conduct the ceremony of my two BK kids is only one reason why I became an Ordained Minister.  The other reason is so I can use it as a tool to draw more near to the Lord.  I know that I have fallen far from His grace and mercy, but I also know that He still loves me as I am.  I am a sinner and it is lucky for me that Jesus is a friend of sinners.

There is a line in the above song that says, "Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing finger."  Man...talk about an eye opening line.  I think we are all guilty of this at some point.  Some perhaps more than others.  I know that I'm very guilty of it.  I was the lost cause.  I was the outcast.  But You died for sinners just like me.  And I thank you for that my Jesus.  Thank you.  So I am hoping very much that by becoming an Ordained Minister that I can have a closer relationship to Jesus.  Learn to walk closer to Him, and learn that every person, no matter their background.  No matter their story.  No matter what they've done to me, deserves love.  My ex brother-in-law.  Who has done some terrible, terrible things to me and mine.  He deserves love and forgiveness.  My Mother.  Who has turned her back on me and has told me to stay away.  She deserves love and forgiveness.  Jesus clearly gave us ALL one last command when He said;

 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 23 34-35

If that doesn't tell you that we are supposed to love everyone, no matter what, then I don't know what does. This is an area that I struggle with immensely.  I want to love everyone.  I try to love everyone.  I defend "the least of these".  But I struggle so much with forgiveness.  So the Lord decided to bring this song into my life.

The first time I heard this song I knew that I had to forgive those who have wronged me.  God had brought this song into my life to help change me.  He brought this into my life to help make me a better person.  I have to admit, I don't know where my ex brother-in-law lives.  But I would love to tell him face to face that while he hurt me in a way that no person has or will ever hurt me, I forgive him for what he has done.  I guess that it will just have to do for now, knowing that I forgive him.  Even though I'm not able to tell him face to face.  I would also love to be able to tell my Mother that I forgive her as well for disowning me and turning her back on me.  But I know what her response would be.  She would tell me that she does not need forgiveness, because she has done nothing wrong...And she really does believe that.

Now I want to talk about the events of today.  The shootings in Aurora, Colorado.  I do not know anyone that was in that theater.  I don't know their names.  I may never know their names.  But these events have left my heart shattered in pieces.  I am so saddened by what this agent of evil has done to these people in their time of escape from a world that is fracturing all around us.  Today our world fractured even more.  A monster walked into Theater #9 at around 12:20AM, during the Midnight Premiere of The Dark Knight Rises, and opened fire.  Killing 12.  Injuring 59 more.  I'll never know any of them.  

So why is this tearing at my soul so much?  The answer is simple.  Can you not see the answer staring you in your face?  It is because I TRULY DO LOVE everyone.  I have taken Jesus' final commandment that He gave us to heart.  I care too much and I love too hard.  When someone is caused unnecessary pain, I hurt with them.  When I climbed into my car this morning and first heard the news of what had happened mere hours before, I was stunned.  My chin fell in my lap and I tried to pick it back up again.  As more details quickly emerged in the 45 minutes that it took me to get to work, I wept with the news of another life lost.  When I got home and finally had a chance to talk with my wife about everything, I cried once more.  Not because another life was lost, but because I had put two and two together and realized that my best friend had went to the Midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises last night in Indianapolis.  

I understood that with all of the shootings and murders that happen in Indianapolis all the time, this horrific massacre could easily have happened in ANY Smalltown, USA.  It could have happened in OUR Smalltown, USA.  And it could have been my best friend who lay lifeless on the floor of that movie theater.  I wept.  My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved in Aurora, Colorado.  Including the shooter.  Even though tonight he was one of hell's assassins, he is still a child of God, and he deserves the Lord's grace and mercy just like we all do.  

So to the families, the victims, the officers that have seen too much throughout this out of the ordinary day, I would like to dedicate this song to you.  Just watch what happens when the hurt and the Healer collide.

A fellow blogger who was in Theater #9 posted her thoughts on the events once she got home and had a chance to calm herself and her kids.  Take a moment to read her words.  They're very powerful.  Check her blog out here.

I will try real hard to keep blogging.  Please understand though that I work very long hours and the time that I do have at home, I enjoy spending as much time with my wife and kids as I possibly can.  As always, leave me some comments if you'd like.  I won't get offended at all if you disagree with anything that I have to say.  I won't matter at all.  Because I'll still love you.

Blog, blog, blog. Blog, blog, blog.

As per usual I have so much on my mind.  I don't even know where to start.  So, I guess I'll just begin the ramblings of a madman.

As you may or may not know, I love tattoos.  I have six of them right now and plan to do many more under the right circumstances.  Every single one of my tattoos have a meaning to them.  They have a purpose.  I didn't just get them just because I thought they were cool.  They all mean something special  to me.  I am going to post some pictures of some tattoos that I have, that other people have and that I love.

The top one, Amanda got for me.  The bottom one, I got for her.  Now, you have to understand that I have ALWAYS been 100% dead set against getting her name tattooed anywhere on me.  Call me superstitious, call me stupid.  What ever you want.  But I've been completely against it.  I believed it to be a curse.  However, I will say that this is my favorite tattoo that I have on me.  Period.  It is a beautiful work of art that has my best friend's and lover's name on it.  What's not for me to love?  Now I will tell you that this was also the most painful tattoo that I have as well.  I was in some serious pain while getting this done.  It was worth it to me though.  What convinced me to get it done was that after 17 years together, and all the misery and bull shit that I put my wife through, she deserved this.  She had rightfully earned this tattoo.  I have no regrets about getting it.  Like I said, this is my favorite tattoo that I have.

This one is my Lacrae 1-1-Six tat.  Lacrae is one of my favorite Christian musicians.  He is a rapper.  I normally cannot stand rap music.  In fact, I pretty much hate it, but this guy is the truth.  He is on fire for Christ.  You can hear his passion for the Lord and for spreading the gospel in his music and lyrics.  I got this tattoo the day after seeing him in concert.  The red continuous R's stand for "Resurrect, Rebuild and Rehabilitate in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit".  The 1-1-Six is for Romans 1:16 which says; "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.  First to the Jews, then to the Gentile.

My first ever tattoo.  Well, the name was anyway.  I got this tattoo not long after Hayden was born.  After 14 years, it had faded immensely.  I had Inky outline the name and re-color it as well as add the bull.  Hayden is a Taurus after all.  It only seemed fitting.

This was my second tattoo.  It is hard to see, because again, it is fading.  But it is a white tiger with Cullen's name underneath it.  I really want to get this one refinished as soon as possible.  I just have to come up with the money.

Aahhh...my Homer tattoo.  This was my very first tribute tat.  I had this one done for my best friend who lost his battle with cancer in January of 2010.  He and I had a lot of good times together when we were younger.  However, like most friends from high school do, we lost touch once we graduated.  Yes, his name is Brad, but I always called him Homer.  Sitting in his kitchen one night with him and his mother, I had to laugh when the two of them began bickering.  Like most teenage boys do, Bradley kept antagonizing his mother.  She got fed up with this and yelled his full name; BRADLEY HOMER LITTELL!  I stopped dead in my tracks and looked straight at her.  "What did you say?" I asked her.  Brad began begging his mom not to repeat it.  "Bradley Homer Littell" she told me.  I nearly fell out of the kitchen chair I was laughing so hard.  From that day forward I never called him Brad.  He would always be Homer to me.  As rabid Indiana Hoosier fans, I felt that a tattoo of Homer Simpson dressed in IU gear was a very fitting tribute to my brother.  I love you Homer.  Philippians 1:3 brother.  I thank my God every time I remember you.

On his birthday of this year, I stopped by to see him.  If you look up and to the right of his headstone, you'll see a small Homer Simpson action figure.  I had to put that there.

This was Amanda's third tattoo.  However, unfortunately, it is her second tribute tattoo.  Mom passed away January 2, 2011 at 1:11pm.  She lost her battle with breast cancer.  This is one of my favorite tattoos that I've seen.  Not because the quality of work is the best I've ever seen, or because of the colors, or because of who it's on.  It's one of my favorites because of who it's for.  Sherry was a very special lady and I love and miss her very much.

This is obviously my Superman/Batman tat.  I have loved these two characters since I was a little kid.  I can remember my Nonnie had a red bath towel that I would pin around my neck and run around the house pretending I was Superman.  And of course, who doesn't love Batman?!?!

This is one that was done on my brother's daughter.  It is her tattoo for him.  He loves wolves very much, so she got this one for him.  I love the color and the look and feel of the ink.  It looks very much like a real wolf.  Even though this isn't my tattoo, I just had to post it because of how awesome the work is!

Of course, the big lump of coal on the left in this picture is me.  The guy on the right is Inky...I mean Dustin.  He is the guy who has done all of the tattoos above with the exception of my tattoo for Cullen.  Although I really would like for him to touch that one up.  I currently have him working on a design for a new one for me.  Naturally once it's finished I will post it on Facebook and most likely here too.  I hope you've enjoyed!

It's official

There are two things I want to discuss in this particular blog.  Both topics will have a resounding effect on mine and my family's lives.  These two subjects have been in the forefront of our lives for the past few weeks and even months.  I think it is just time to get into it.

The first thing is my career.  Yes, I said career.  Working is no longer a job for me.  I have advanced so quickly in such a short amount of time that I could most likely go to any fast food joint and get a General Manager's position.  Friday is my unofficial last day at Burger King.  I have a few vacation days that I am taking to finish off my two weeks notice.  My final day with BK is Monday, March 12, 2012.  However, Friday is my final working day.  I will miss most of the people that I work with at my little store in Trafalgar.  There are one or two that I really don't give a crap about, but I will miss most every one.  Josh, Lilly, Christin, Cameron, Simone, Andrea and Larry.  We've had a pretty good run, and made some tremendous strides with our small corner of the BK galaxy.  Number 1 in Speed of Service in our district.  Number 1 in Speed of Service in the state of Indiana.  And Top 10 in Speed of Service for the Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky area.  That's something to be proud of.  And not to mention that we whupped Amanda and Whiteland's back side rather handily!  HA!  Thank you to all who worked so hard to turn our speed around.  Be proud of what you did.  Be pleased with yourselves, and don't ever take your foot off the gas pedal.  I love you guys, and I will miss you so much!

The next thing is something that has been very prominent and dominating in our lives since November.  Our youngest son, Cullen Jean.  Today the lady who evaluated Cullen for Asperger's Syndrome called and spoke with Amanda.  She told her that she presented her findings to the Diagnosis Team and after reviewing Cullen's case and hearing what the evaluator had to say and what she discovered within minutes of interviewing us, the clinical psychologists have officially diagnosed Cullen Jean with Asperger's Syndrome.  It is 100%, in stone and rock solid diagnosis.

So what does this diagnosis mean for our family then?  Absolutely NOTHING!  We will work with Centerstone to come up with a plan for a balanced and healthy life for Cullen.  They will give us tips, tools and advice for helping him adjust to what makes no sense to him in this world.  There is no cure.  Nor do I wish for there to be a cure for our son.  He is who he is.  To find a "cure" for him would change who he is forever.  That is not what we want.  We just want him to learn to be a well adjusted, creative, funny, clever member of society!  With Asperger's Syndrome, one of their conditions is that there are things in this world that just do not make sense to them.  Our son is a classic case of that.  He cannot fathom, comprehend or even begin to think that his words or actions can have severe consequences, or any kind of consequences at all.  His brain, regardless of how intelligent he is, and he is, just cannot process those types of thoughts.  There are other traits and habits that he has that places him under the Autism Umbrella that make him unique and who he is, such as nuclear meltdowns over things that you and I would just be slightly frustrated with and dismiss just as easily.  Again, things that his brain just cannot process normally.

Most would just toss him aside and say he has anger management issues.  Most would just punish him as a trouble maker.  They do that because of their ignorance.  I forgive them for their ignorance, but I will never forget.

That being said, I wanna let you all know that it's pretty cool to be an Aspie!  Here is a list of some famous people who were diagnosed or believed to have Asperger's Syndrome.  They are, directors Stanley Kubrick, Tim Burton and Steven Spielberg, painter Andy Warhol, computer genius Bill Gates, authors Lewis Carroll, Jonathon Swift and Emily Dickinson, scientists Nikola Tesla, Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, United States Presidents Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln and video game creator Satoshi Tajiri.  I know a lot of you don't know the last person.  He is the man who invented Cullen's all time favorite thing.  POKEMON!  Cullen really thought that was incredible.  Suddenly, he didn't feel like an outcast or a trouble maker.  Now it all made sense to him and he is okay with it.  That is all we want.  Acceptance.  That is all that anyone who is diagnosed under the Autism Umbrella wants.  Know this, there is no cure.  There will never be a cure.  Anyone with any sort of Autism does not want a cure.  They just want one thing.  And that is to be accepted.

A Father's Love

Let me begin by saying that under no circumstances do I want anyone to finish reading this and feel sorry for me.  That is not the intent of this writing.  I am doing this just to get these thoughts out of my head and to let everyone in just a little bit.  I am rather guarded when it comes to letting people in, so this is just me opening up a bit.

So in case no one knows, I am 36 years old and have been a father for almost 15 years now.  I love both of my boys very much and would gladly lay down my life to save either of theirs.  I have watched and participated as my big guys went from tiny infants to well behaved young men.  My love for my kids has grown so much and so deeply over the years that I simply cannot imagine my life without them.  Hayden and Cullen are two of the coolest kids I've ever met.  Hayden is so talented musically.  He can play the trumpet and guitar.  He also wants to learn to play the piano.  I know that he can do it, it is just a matter of us being able to find the time and money to get him lessons.  He is also so intelligent when he puts his mind to it and it holds his interest.  Cullen Jean is so unique.  He too has musical talent as he can play the violin.  However, his true skills lie in his memory.  He is so incredibly smart.  We honestly don't know where he gets his intelligence from.  I mean, I'm smart.  My wife is smart.  However, he puts us both to shame.

The purpose of this blog isn't to pump up my boys.  It is to ask how a parent can just turn their backs on the children?  I honestly cannot fathom taking another breath on this earth without either of my boys with me.  I love them.  I'm in love with them.  They are my whole world.  Of course they make me angry, or get under my skin.  But what child doesn't get on their parents' nerves?  I just do not understand how a parent can ignore, disown or not love their children.

Take me for example.  My father had very little to nothing to do with me when I was growing up.  He didn't want to be involved in anything I did until I was married and we had a child on the way.  Even then, he was so wishy washy that I finally had to eliminate him from my life.  Wash my hands of him and be completely done.  No more chances and no more heartache.  Over the course of about 5 years he was on again, off again with me.  He hated me.  He loved me.  He wanted me around.  He couldn't stand the sight of me.  I had finally had enough and could not bear the pain he always left in my heart whenever he would walk away once again.  I have not spoken a word to him for over 10 years now, if not more.

Then there is my mother.  I honestly believe that I could write an entire book about her and how bad she has hurt me over the past 7 years.  So instead of mimicking Robert Jordan or Stephen King and presenting this as a thousand page manuscript, I'm just going to shorten this up quite a bit.  My mother turned her back on me and my boys over 7 years ago.  Something happened in our family, and as per usual with her, I was made out to be the bad guy.  I was the one who was at fault and the one who paid the price.  She remained the matriarch of the family and everyone continued to bow at her feet and worship her as if she were some sort of goddess.  She kept the love of a very large family and surrounded and showered herself with all of their love.  I was left with my wife and kids.  Not that that is a bad thing.  But something was missing.  There was a hole in my heart that had been torn out.  I now had a void.

Over those 7 years, I tried many times to contact  her.  To try to patch things up and start anew.  She was having none of it.  So on February 22 of this year I tried one final time to reach out to her and my step-dad.  I called them to share the news we had recently received about Cullen.  I spoke with my step-dad for about five minutes.  While on the phone, I gave him my cell phone number and told him that if either of them ever wanted to use it, then please do.  The next day was my birthday.  I was hoping so much and with all my might that my mother would call me to wish me happy birthday.  You never know how much you miss hearing those two words from your mother until you never hear them again.  So I waited.  Patiently I waited for her to call.  Even if it was just a 30 second phone call to tell me happy birthday.  I did not care at this point.  I just wanted her to call me.  I wanted it just so I would know that she still loved me and still cared.  That maybe somewhere she still thought about me.

As the day went on, the pain from the past 7 years came bubbling up to the surface until it nearly overflowed.  Some how I managed to fight back the tears and shove it back down once again.  The day turned into night and I had not received the phone call I was praying for.  I was devastated once more.  My heart was broken again and I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that my mother does not love me, want me, care for me or even think of me.  I am without family.  I am alone.

For 11 years now I have known one of the greatest friends I could ever meet.  A few years after that, he introduced me to another amazing and wonderful friend.  A few months after that there was yet another amazing friend introduced.  It all started as casual friendships.  It has turned into so much more.  Today, Gary, Dustin and Kambui are my family.  They are not just friends.  In some way, I always knew that they were never just friends.  I had always known that they would be the ones who would lift me up when I would fall.  They would be the ear that listened to all of my complaining.  They would be the ones to offer up advice when I was lost without an answer.  I knew that they would be my family.  I've always believed that God puts people in your life that you or they need.  That is what He did for me with Gary, Dustin and Kambui.  Now I have come to realize that God also takes people out of our lives that we no longer need.  He removes people from our lives that He knows are going to cause us infinite pain.  He puts people in our lives that He knows we have to have.

On my birthday, my brother Dustin and his wife Robyn welcomed their first grandchild into this world.  Little Jaxon Wade was born on my birthday!  How cool is that?!?!  My brother's grandson and I share the same birthday! On a day when I was so down because of my mother and how she doesn't love me, God brought a wonderful child into my life.  For those who don't believe in Him or in miracles, Jaxon is living proof that He does exist and that tiny miracles happen every day!

So to those who mean the world to me, Amanda, Hayden, Cullen Jean, Gary, Kambui, Josh G., Josh B., Rusty, Matt and Amanda M., Dustin, Robyn, Sarah and now little Jaxon, you are my family and I love you all so very much!  It is you all who have filled the void.  You all who have showed me that I am not alone.  It is because of you that my faith in love and family have been restored.  Thank you.

Bullies and Where I Stand

I think I should give a full disclosure before you get too far into reading this by saying that this blog very well could end up being incredibly long.  So if you wish to know where I stand on the topic of bullying, then by all means, continue reading.

I believe that it goes without saying that I love my children and I will defend them by giving up my life. They both mean that much to me. I would have no problems laying down my own life to save theirs. I wish all parents felt the same way, but a lot of people just don't care about their kids the way that I do.

So a bit of a background as to why I felt the need to write this blog.  My wife and I have been together for 17 years.  In that time we have had two children together.  Both boys, and both are now teenagers.  Hayden Alexander-Ray is almost 15 and Cullen Jean is almost 14.  Both of our boys are such good kids with incredibly big hearts.  They love without thinking, and they give without a second thought of themselves.  They're good kids.  Hayden is a perfectly normal teenage boy.  He is in to music, video games and girls.  Not so much the last one, because he has a very shy disposition, but he still likes them a lot nonetheless.  Cullen Jean is a bit different on the other hand.  He is typical in the fact that he loves video games, movies and television.

However, we knew when Cullen was at a very young age that something just wasn't right.  Somewhere, there was something off kilter.  When he was around 3 years old he began showing signs of Autism.  Lining things up just perfectly.  Stacking items just perfectly.  Not being on time in his developmental stages.  Sitting up, crawling, walking and talking rather late.  So we did what any concerned parents would have done.  We took him to be evaluated.  Almost immediately, the doctor said that he was not Autistic.  So we went home and continued to raise our kids the best we knew how.

Ever since Cullen was first enrolled in school he struggled to adapt to his surroundings.  He would have meltdowns whenever he couldn't write a letter exactly the way he wanted it to look.  He just simply struggled to fit in.  As he continued in school, he had several different troubles.  Not being able to control the volume of his voice, not being able to control the things that comes out of his mouth.  Not even being able to control some of the things he did at times.  All the while, he was a straight A, honor roll student.  In seventh grade, he was expelled for two months for popping off at the mouth and saying that he wanted to cause harm to himself just to escape another students incessant rambling.  This past year, eighth grade, he has been expelled since November because he had a meltdown in a class and was sent to the principal's office once again (about the twentieth time since sixth grade).  On the way to the office, he had another case of diarrhea of the mouth by saying that he wished the school would just blow up.  Zero tolerance.  Indefinite expulsion.  Straight A, honor roll student.  Damn...

We went to a hearing at the Administration Building which involved the Assistant Superintendent, the Assistant Principal and the Principal, my wife and I and our son, Cullen.  We pled our case for Cullen to be able to return to school.  Stating that he is too bright to be held out for the length of time that the Principal was recommending, which was the entire school year.  On top of that, she was requiring him to go through some sort of Anger Management classes by a trained and certified psychologist before he could return to school as well.

So having to go through the proper channels due to our insurance, we had to take him to see our family doctor first.  Immediately, she knew it was not an anger issue.  She saw through the anger.  She sent us to a place called Centerstone that deals with Mental Health, to have Cullen evaluated.  After an hour spent with the evaluation specialist, she knew beyond a doubt that our doctor was right.  Cullen had Asperger's Syndrome.  We were incredibly relieved to finally know why our son continued to mess up in school.  Now we have an answer.  Now we have a path to take.

So now that I have set up a rather lengthy background, please allow me to discuss why I am writing this blog.  This blog is about bullies and bullying.

For years, our youngest son Cullen has been bullied in school.  It became very aggressive once he got in to middle school.  The real issue though is this, Cullen Jean wasn't just bullied by students.  My wife and I feel that he was bullied by the principal as well.  Yes, you heard that right.  We feel that the principal in the school that he attended was bullying him as well.  She is after all, the daughter of one of Martinsville's most famous bullies.  He used to be the football coach at the high school.  So she has learned bullying quite well and frequently!  Remember how many times he has been to the office in the two and a half years he has been at that school?  It was at least twenty, if not more.  All of the reasons more ridiculous than the previous one.  What happened to tolerance?  What happened to understanding?  What happened to trying to find out what is truly bothering a child before acting like such a self righteous bitch and just expelling an honor roll student for words?

Like I said earlier, I love my son and I would give my life for his.  I was bullied as a student, and I refuse to allow my son to be bullied as well.  Especially by the principal!  We are digging in and preparing for a war.  I plan on retaining a lawyer and going after her and the school system if this type of behavior is allowed to continue from those in a position of power.

On March 30, 2012 a film by Lee Hirsch that is produced and distributed by the Weinstein Company will make its way to theaters.  It is a documentary called The Bully Project.  It is a movie that follows five children around for the course of a single school year that are subject to bullying.  After shooting, it was discovered that two of the children that are featured, ended up committing suicide because of the bullying.  It is very sad and terribly tragic.

One of the children that they follow around is Alex from Iowa.  Alex has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.  When I first heard about this movie, with everything that has gone down with our son, I immediately wanted to see it.  But then I watched the trailer for the film.  That is when I found out that Alex, who is 14 years old, is an Aspie.  This literally broke my heart.  Why is this kid being bullied?  It is because he is different and misunderstood.  Plain and simple.

The Motion Picture Association of America has given The Bully Project an R rating because of some language.  Thus negating the opportunity of the movie being seen by the people who need to see it the most. Kids.  Lee Hirsch and Harvey Weinstein are fighting the MPAA tooth and nail to try to get this rating changed to a PG-13 so it can be shown in schools and so the target audience will have a chance to see it as well.  There is a petition on the website that people can sign that is going to be presented to the MPAA for those that do not agree with the rating that The Bully Project was given.  If you believe what I believe, if you feel what I feel, the please, follow the link here and sign the petition.  Also I am going to post a link at the bottom of this blog so you can watch the trailer for The Bully Project as well.

I knew that this would end up being the longest blog I have written to date.  I just didn't realize it would be this long.  However, I am very passionate about my kids.  I am very passionate against bullying.  And I am very passionate about Asperger's Awareness.  Thank you for taking the time to read this, as this is a very sensitive subject for our family.

Nothing left but the details

WOW! Two blogs in two days. I've gotta admit that I'm rather impressed with myself. I really didn't think I'd be able to do two days in a row. But alas!!! This one is pretty important. So let's just dive right in, shall we? I met with Erick Hawkins, a District Manager from Rally's today to discuss my career and my future with Burger King and with Rally's. I have to confess, I am thoroughly impressed with not only the company, but with him as well. He reminds me so much of my boss, M. We spoke for approximately 30 minutes and talked about many things. We talked of expectations, money, more money, bonuses, training and respect. It was that last one that definitely caught my attention. Respect. Imagine that? A boss who respects their people? Reminds me a LOT of M. By the end of the conversation we were on a path. A path that Erick and I hope and pray will lead us both to a lot of success. The plan is there. The road chosen. I am leaving Burger King. I turned in my two weeks notice just a few moments ago. My last day (unless I get fired before that) will be March 12, 2012. I am very excited about the opportunity that Mr. Hawkins and Checker's/Rally's are giving me. Even though I will be starting out making more money per year than I've ever made in my life, it is just not about the money. It's about finding happiness. I simply cannot find that happiness at Burger King anymore. Two months ago, I loved going to work. Let me repeat that. I loved going to work. But that's about when I really started getting burned out. 60+ hour work weeks. Busting my hump to meet numbers that are not appreciated. Sacrificing precious time with my family to try to make my store a success. Being on call 24/7, no matter what I was doing, or where I was going. Getting phone calls and texts while in the middle of church, or spending some quality time with my wife. I did it all. I gave everything up for my career. Why? Because I truly thought it would make a difference. I honestly thought that people cared about what I was doing. But the fact of the matter is, it didn't make a difference. The only difference it made was that it caused a rift in my marriage. One so severe that we almost split up because of it. I had put my job before my wife. A mistake that I will NEVER make again. For the month of January my little store in Trafalgar, Indiana was the 5th fastest store in the market. Now that market consists of over 200 stores in three different states. That was something that me and my entire team worked really hard at to achieve. We wanted to be something. We wanted to make a difference. To matter. We were also the fastest store in the entire state of Indiana! The four stores in front of us in the market were from Ohio and Kentucky respectively. We were very proud of that happening. We are also the fastest store in the district for this month as well. We all work really hard. We leave it all in the store. We work together. We sweat together. We honor each other, and we respect each other. All we had hoped for from the higher ups was some recognition. A "good job". We got nothing. One huge deciding factor in my decision is that there is a rat in my store. Someone has been running back and forth between me and the "acting" district manager talking crap about me. Telling lies about me, and saying things that were meant to remain in my store until I was ready to go to him with the information that I was in fact leaving. I know that no one else outside of my store told the district manager anything, because no one else knew anything. Trust and respect are a huge thing to me. That was violated beyond repair, and it came down to either that person leaving, or me leaving. So since I have been given an opportunity that I simply cannot refuse, it will be I that is leaving. My decision, not theirs. So in closing, I will say this. I will always love my store in Trafalgar. I will always love the people that have worked for me. And I will miss them all very, very much. They are my kids. My extended family. My people.

The first of many?

Let me just start by saying that my plan is to write on this blog quite often. That being said, I wouldn't quite count on that. With my schedule, the very little sleep I get anyway, and the fact that I'm just plain lazy means that this will most likely get ignored after a few entries. I really, truly hope that isn't the case. I mean, everyone needs a way to vent. And yes, I have plenty of friends that I talk to and that allow me to vent on them, but this way seems a bit easier. I'd really like to try to unburden my friends and confidants from the crap that is filled inside my head. Plus, if they choose to read this or not is entirely up to them. If they ask me what's up and I begin with all of the B.S., then they're stuck. And I feel bad for them. So this is just another avenue.

So the topic of conversation today is my work. Yes, I have made several posts on Facebook about my possible new job over the past week or so, but this is something entirely different. I want to talk about my boss. MY boss. Not the guy filling in for him, but my boss. I will not say his name, but I will just call him M. To set this up properly, I will say that M has been on a medical leave of absence since the beginning of December. This has been very difficult for most of, if not all of the GMs in his district. M did so much for his GMs. Probably more than any of us thought he did. So as my time at BK is drawing to a close, I felt the need to reach out to him and thank him for everything that he has done for me. I thanked him for giving me a career when I didn't have one. I thanked him for believing in me, standing up for me, standing beside me, and always being there to help me out when I was stuck, when no one else would have. M is without a doubt one of, if not THE BEST boss I have ever worked for. I just pray that my new boss is half the man that M is. And I certainly hope that my new boss has the patience of a saint like M has. Or else I'm in big trouble. M is the type of boss that people DREAM of working for. Understanding, motivating, caring, helpful, funny and fantastic. Those are just a few words that I struggled to find to try to describe him. But the truth of it is, words just simply do not do M any justice.

As I move along in life and in my career, I hope so much that M and I can remain in contact, because he truly is someone that I would call my friend. I wish him nothing but success in everything he does from this moment forward, and pray that he finds the happiness that he so rightfully deserves. I have never in my life felt like a boss cared for me the way that M does. He is just a good person. He is a good person in every sense of the word.

Maybe one day when we both are in need, M and I can work together once again. I would truly enjoy that, and I think that he would as well. So, in closing, M, this is not good bye. This is just, talk to ya later brother.