Many of you who read this blog, know me. You know that I love telling stories and that I love to share a good laugh with those I care for. But ultimately, I am a private person. I don't like letting people know when I'm having issues. I don't want people to know if there are troubles in my home, in my marriage and in my life. I would just assume keep that part of me private, thank you very much. What happens in my life, is my problem to deal with. I have always felt this way and to be honest, it will take some massive amounts of will power for my opinion on the matter to change. I want it to change, it is just going to be a struggle.
My story today starts at church this morning. It has been so long since we have been able to make it to church. I miss it, so much. I know that in my profession that I have to work most weekends, I get it. I either have to work on Sunday or I work late Saturday night and can't wake up in time to make it to church if I am off on Sunday. Today is only the fourth or fifth time in 2013 that we have made it to church. So when I woke up at 9 A.M., I made it a point to make sure we went to church. The music was great and the teaching was outstanding, but my mind was no place to be hanging out in. I had so many bad thoughts running through my head that I just wanted to scream! No matter how much I tried, I just couldn't get the bad thoughts out of my head. I tried my best to pay as close attention to the teaching as I could, because I figured that if my mind is under this much assault from satan that there must be something that is being said that he doesn't want me to hear. It turned out that I was right.
The message was about King Uzziah and his rise and fall. It is found in II Chronicles 26. He became king at the age of 16 and died a leper. He reigned for fifty two years and amassed so much power that he believed he had to do the jobs of the priests as well. This made God very unhappy and the blessings from the Lord stopped and the rapid downfall began. During the sermon, it was said that we always tend to get off to a great start when we do things. But it's not how we start, it's how we finish. That really struck a chord with me. Often times we get a "brilliant idea" and we start off with a bang! Then over time the idea fades and what was once brilliant, is now just a flash in the pan. Weight loss programs and dieting are the biggest examples of this. Our pastor went on to say that as long as King Uzziah was faithful to and stayed focused on the Lord, that he was prosperous in everything he did. But the moment Uzziah tried to do things for himself, it all fell apart.
I started thinking that this is exactly what happens in my life. A while ago I took it upon myself to try to find my own happiness. I failed. I was miserable at work and not much better at home. I hated my life so much that I honestly did not care if I lived or died. I had a stretch of about two and a half months where every time I worked, I was closing. I never saw my kids and I barely saw my wife. I hated everything. I was at the very bottom of the well and had no where else to look but up. So I prayed. I begged God to present me a new or different opportunity. I pleaded with Him to get me out of my current situation. Because of my faithfulness to Him, He was faithful to me and granted me His blessings. Once I arrived to my new place of employment, I stopped praying. I stopped focusing on God and I turned away from Him yet again. I am following the same path as King Uzziah. Is it any surprise to anyone that I am starting to become miserable again? Is it any shock at all that I am starting to notice that the relationship between my wife and I is starting to become testy again? Just today we started picking at each other once more. Luckily, it didn't escalate into a huge argument. But it could have.
So I need to stop being King Uzziah. I need to finish strong. I have to remain faithful to God and keep my focus on Him. I have to stop trying to do things myself and let Him guide my life. I have to find myself in His word more and more. When I am focused on Him, I am happy. I have a purpose and I have a zest for life. When I am living for myself, I'm a bit of an asshole. I don't want to be that person anymore. I need to start strong and I need to finish strong.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
All About Geeks
As most of you know, I am a geek. I wear my badge proudly. I have my Pikachu Limited Edition Nintendo 3DS, I have Superman and Batman tattooed on my body, I collect toys and comic books and own plenty of superhero video games and apparel. I have even went to countless "geek" conventions, most recently the Indy Toy and Comic Expo in Indianapolis, put on by my very good friend, Billy Cooper. I watched every episode of Smallville and have so far, watched every episode of Arrow. I love almost everything "superhero" and "comics" related. Almost. I have watched every comic book movie that is out there. Yes, I even tortured myself and watched Elektra and Catwoman.
We didn't have many comic book movies when I was growing up. There was the Batman television series, Wonder Woman series and Incredible Hulk series. There were the Christopher Reeve driven Superman films in a time before even VCRs. Back when going to the movies wasn't for every family. In 1989, Warner Bros and Tim Burton brought us Batman. A good flick despite its MANY flaws. Then the market went stale with only Batman trash being thrown at us occasionally. Those movies do not exist. Just don't argue with me about it. Then in 2000, an independent film direct named Bryan Singer and Fox Studios brought us X-Men, and comic book movies as we knew it, changed forever.
In the past 13 years, the market has become flooded with great, good and not so good comic book movies. The Avengers, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Superman Returns, The Dark Knight, Thor, Green Lantern, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The list goes on and on. There is no sign of this monster slowing down either. While we do get some great comic book films, we also get some giant bombs. Catwoman, Elektra, Green Lantern, Superman Returns, X-Men: The Last Stand, just to name a few. I have issues with movie studios making trash comic book movies for one simple reason, there is already source material and excellent story lines out there to use! How can you mess up that script?!?!
It really bothers me when Hollyweird takes a great property and completely messes it up. Fox and Warner Bros. seem to be the biggest culprits in this crime against geeks. Marvel has done a pretty good job of not screwing up too badly with the movies, with Elektra being the exception. I can even forgive them for Daredevil, simply because the script was written by Kevin Smith. Fox and Warner have definitely given us the motherload of stinkers over time. Catwoman, Green Lantern, Superman Returns, X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Fantastic Four and Rise of the Silver Surfer. There have been so many great comics written over the past century and so few of those actually turned into movies. Sure, there are some elements from books sprinkled in here and there, but so very few that are straight from the pages. Watchmen is one of those that is pretty much shot frame for frame, so kudos to Warner and Zack Snyder for doing that. I really have no idea where I'm going with all of this, just to say that how can you make a giant turd of a movie when there are so many great stories already written? And who is the idiot sitting in their penthouse office who gives the go ahead for these atrocities? Take Green Lantern for example. Most people went to see it because of Ryan Reynolds, that's okay, I guess, but it was a horrible film. Green Lantern is such a GREAT character. The Green Lantern Corps. is such a wonderful idea that could have been used so much better than it was. Take for instance the planet Oa. It is barely seen in the film yet in the comics it is an eye popping landscape that would make even a blind person say "wow". Half of the movie takes place on Oa and you see none of it. Such a disappointment. Just another example of a bad comic book movie. And don't even get me started on X-Men 3 and Spiderman 3, because I will seriously go nuts. Those two movies are the biggest pieces of garbage on the planet.
Over the next few years we are going to get a lot of comic book movies tossed our way. Some will be good, some will be not so good and hopefully some will be great. Marvel Studios will be releasing 3 movies in the next year and a half. Thor, Captain America and Guardians of the Galaxy. Fox Studios will be releasing The Wolverine (HOPEFULLY a redemption film) and X-Men: Days of Future Past. Sony will be releasing the second Amazing Spider-Man soon as well. So there are quite a few movies coming out in the near future that feature our favorite comic book heroes. In case you didn't notice, I didn't mention anything about Warner Bros. releasing any DC Comics property any time soon. Well, okay, Man of Steel did just come out, but there are no plans at all for another DC film in the foreseeable future. Horrible comic book movies have got to stop folks. I'm not saying that the films have to be perfect, but just be good. Man of Steel wasn't a perfect movie, but it was good. The Dark Knight wasn't a perfect movie, but it was good. The Avengers was far from a perfect movie, but it was good. Just make our comic book movies good. Make them enjoyable, and please, for the love of everything holy, stop releasing garbage like Green Lantern.
We didn't have many comic book movies when I was growing up. There was the Batman television series, Wonder Woman series and Incredible Hulk series. There were the Christopher Reeve driven Superman films in a time before even VCRs. Back when going to the movies wasn't for every family. In 1989, Warner Bros and Tim Burton brought us Batman. A good flick despite its MANY flaws. Then the market went stale with only Batman trash being thrown at us occasionally. Those movies do not exist. Just don't argue with me about it. Then in 2000, an independent film direct named Bryan Singer and Fox Studios brought us X-Men, and comic book movies as we knew it, changed forever.
In the past 13 years, the market has become flooded with great, good and not so good comic book movies. The Avengers, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Superman Returns, The Dark Knight, Thor, Green Lantern, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The list goes on and on. There is no sign of this monster slowing down either. While we do get some great comic book films, we also get some giant bombs. Catwoman, Elektra, Green Lantern, Superman Returns, X-Men: The Last Stand, just to name a few. I have issues with movie studios making trash comic book movies for one simple reason, there is already source material and excellent story lines out there to use! How can you mess up that script?!?!
It really bothers me when Hollyweird takes a great property and completely messes it up. Fox and Warner Bros. seem to be the biggest culprits in this crime against geeks. Marvel has done a pretty good job of not screwing up too badly with the movies, with Elektra being the exception. I can even forgive them for Daredevil, simply because the script was written by Kevin Smith. Fox and Warner have definitely given us the motherload of stinkers over time. Catwoman, Green Lantern, Superman Returns, X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Fantastic Four and Rise of the Silver Surfer. There have been so many great comics written over the past century and so few of those actually turned into movies. Sure, there are some elements from books sprinkled in here and there, but so very few that are straight from the pages. Watchmen is one of those that is pretty much shot frame for frame, so kudos to Warner and Zack Snyder for doing that. I really have no idea where I'm going with all of this, just to say that how can you make a giant turd of a movie when there are so many great stories already written? And who is the idiot sitting in their penthouse office who gives the go ahead for these atrocities? Take Green Lantern for example. Most people went to see it because of Ryan Reynolds, that's okay, I guess, but it was a horrible film. Green Lantern is such a GREAT character. The Green Lantern Corps. is such a wonderful idea that could have been used so much better than it was. Take for instance the planet Oa. It is barely seen in the film yet in the comics it is an eye popping landscape that would make even a blind person say "wow". Half of the movie takes place on Oa and you see none of it. Such a disappointment. Just another example of a bad comic book movie. And don't even get me started on X-Men 3 and Spiderman 3, because I will seriously go nuts. Those two movies are the biggest pieces of garbage on the planet.
Over the next few years we are going to get a lot of comic book movies tossed our way. Some will be good, some will be not so good and hopefully some will be great. Marvel Studios will be releasing 3 movies in the next year and a half. Thor, Captain America and Guardians of the Galaxy. Fox Studios will be releasing The Wolverine (HOPEFULLY a redemption film) and X-Men: Days of Future Past. Sony will be releasing the second Amazing Spider-Man soon as well. So there are quite a few movies coming out in the near future that feature our favorite comic book heroes. In case you didn't notice, I didn't mention anything about Warner Bros. releasing any DC Comics property any time soon. Well, okay, Man of Steel did just come out, but there are no plans at all for another DC film in the foreseeable future. Horrible comic book movies have got to stop folks. I'm not saying that the films have to be perfect, but just be good. Man of Steel wasn't a perfect movie, but it was good. The Dark Knight wasn't a perfect movie, but it was good. The Avengers was far from a perfect movie, but it was good. Just make our comic book movies good. Make them enjoyable, and please, for the love of everything holy, stop releasing garbage like Green Lantern.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Getting The Shaft
My goodness it's been a LONG time since I've blogged. But, this needs to be done. These things NEED to be said. If what I say offends you or you don't like it, don't read it. That being said, I have to get these things off my chest or else I might explode. So without further ado...
What the heck is wrong with me??? Am I such a horrible person that not even God wants to be my friend? Am I really so awful that I lose friends like most people lose their car keys? Why have I lost four friends, no, not friends, family, people that I have called my family, in less than a year? Matt, Amanda, Gary and Josh. In that order. Why? What did I do? Matt and Amanda I can sort of understand. They swim in a pool of never ending drama. They eat, drink and sleep drama. When they poop the drama that they have eaten, there is drama in it. Eventually, it was going to catch up to me. Sooner or later, their drama was going to consume me. It did. I have lost two friends. It sucks that I've had to pay a lot of money because of their drama, but I did and I'm happy that it is almost over with them. There is still some legal issues going on, but I don't want to talk about it right now. That is for a different blog once it is all said and done.
Gary? He was my longest tenured friend. I have gone to battle with this man a hundred times. We won some, we've lost some. He and I met while working together at Nice-Pak. Good kid. A bit misguided, but I liked him. He was funny, and he and I had a lot of stuff in common. We both loved the Highlander movies, we both loved Star Wars and he was a closet WWE lover. I met Gary when it was still the 90's, that's how long he and I have been friends. Eventually, he met a girl and married her. He went his way, I went mine. We hooked back up a few months later because, well, that's just what friends do. They find a way. He then introduced me to another one of my best friends. And we were the three amigos. We were always together and we all had so much in common. Then Gary wanted to make his father proud and go fight for Ol' Dubbya. Yes, I am proud of him for doing that. When Gary came home after 3 years, he was different. I wasn't the only one that noticed it. He still came around, yes, but he was different. I knew that a bomb was going to drop any time. And it did. After a spat about guns (I don't like them, he does), he eliminated me off of Facebook. No matter. That doesn't bother me. But when I asked him about it, he just basically said that he didn't mean to, but that he and I were different. And that was basically it. I have lost another friend. I haven't heard from him since July 4th, 2012. I miss the kid like crazy and I hope his life is good. I wish him the happiness that he has struggled to find.
Then there's Josh. I took this kid in. I took him under my wing at BK. I cared for him, I loved him. I tried to show him what it meant to be a friend and I tried to show him how a father can love a son. I took him to King's Island with us to Spirit Song. I paid for his food and his ticket to the concert. I helped him buy a car, I helped him buy a cell phone and even put him on our cell phone plan. I got him a promotion at Burger King. When I went to Chili's, I brought him with me. When I left the Franklin store and went to my home store in Bloomington, I told him to come out and see me as often as he wanted and to make sure he either brought or mailed me the cell phone payment at the beginning of every month. He agreed and off I went. I immediately had to remind him to bring me the cell phone payment (this became a monthly ritual). I bought him a really great Christmas gift and received nothing in return. That's okay, it's better to give than to receive. I did my best to try to show Josh in many different ways that he was loved. That he wasn't alone and he didn't have to face the world alone. He didn't have to go through this life by himself. He had friends who loved him dearly. A few weeks ago, I noticed that I had not seen anything from him on Facebook for a long time. I mentioned something about it to Amanda and she told me that he had deleted and blocked her on Facebook. Weird. So I sent him a text. Nothing. I called him. Nothing. I called and I texted and I texted and I called and I never heard a word from him. I was starting to get worried about him. So I got a hold of a mutual friend and asked him about Josh. Josh had a new cell phone. One that wasn't on our cell phone plan. So I got his new phone number and contacted him. I got the typical, "oh, I just didn't know how to get a hold of you" lines. I knew what was coming. I could see the writing on the wall. I got in touch with him this past Friday to once more let him know that the cell phone payment was still due. I told him if he just gave me the money to cancel the phone, then we would call it even. He did. As he handed me that money, I hugged him one more time and told him I loved him. I smiled and nodded as he lied to me by saying he loved me too.
Tonight I sent him an email asking what I had done to him. Why he was so angry at me. The email had been viewed, but I didn't get a response. I have lost yet another friend. My friendship is not cherished. My feelings are not cared for. I am tired of hurting each time I lose another friend. My heart has shattered into a thousand tiny pieces once more. I don't know what I am doing wrong.
So if you claim to be my friend, if you think you and I are pals, please, let me know if I'm doing wrong. Because I cannot stand to lose another person in this life. I have lost my entire family, I don't want to lose you too.
What the heck is wrong with me??? Am I such a horrible person that not even God wants to be my friend? Am I really so awful that I lose friends like most people lose their car keys? Why have I lost four friends, no, not friends, family, people that I have called my family, in less than a year? Matt, Amanda, Gary and Josh. In that order. Why? What did I do? Matt and Amanda I can sort of understand. They swim in a pool of never ending drama. They eat, drink and sleep drama. When they poop the drama that they have eaten, there is drama in it. Eventually, it was going to catch up to me. Sooner or later, their drama was going to consume me. It did. I have lost two friends. It sucks that I've had to pay a lot of money because of their drama, but I did and I'm happy that it is almost over with them. There is still some legal issues going on, but I don't want to talk about it right now. That is for a different blog once it is all said and done.
Gary? He was my longest tenured friend. I have gone to battle with this man a hundred times. We won some, we've lost some. He and I met while working together at Nice-Pak. Good kid. A bit misguided, but I liked him. He was funny, and he and I had a lot of stuff in common. We both loved the Highlander movies, we both loved Star Wars and he was a closet WWE lover. I met Gary when it was still the 90's, that's how long he and I have been friends. Eventually, he met a girl and married her. He went his way, I went mine. We hooked back up a few months later because, well, that's just what friends do. They find a way. He then introduced me to another one of my best friends. And we were the three amigos. We were always together and we all had so much in common. Then Gary wanted to make his father proud and go fight for Ol' Dubbya. Yes, I am proud of him for doing that. When Gary came home after 3 years, he was different. I wasn't the only one that noticed it. He still came around, yes, but he was different. I knew that a bomb was going to drop any time. And it did. After a spat about guns (I don't like them, he does), he eliminated me off of Facebook. No matter. That doesn't bother me. But when I asked him about it, he just basically said that he didn't mean to, but that he and I were different. And that was basically it. I have lost another friend. I haven't heard from him since July 4th, 2012. I miss the kid like crazy and I hope his life is good. I wish him the happiness that he has struggled to find.
Then there's Josh. I took this kid in. I took him under my wing at BK. I cared for him, I loved him. I tried to show him what it meant to be a friend and I tried to show him how a father can love a son. I took him to King's Island with us to Spirit Song. I paid for his food and his ticket to the concert. I helped him buy a car, I helped him buy a cell phone and even put him on our cell phone plan. I got him a promotion at Burger King. When I went to Chili's, I brought him with me. When I left the Franklin store and went to my home store in Bloomington, I told him to come out and see me as often as he wanted and to make sure he either brought or mailed me the cell phone payment at the beginning of every month. He agreed and off I went. I immediately had to remind him to bring me the cell phone payment (this became a monthly ritual). I bought him a really great Christmas gift and received nothing in return. That's okay, it's better to give than to receive. I did my best to try to show Josh in many different ways that he was loved. That he wasn't alone and he didn't have to face the world alone. He didn't have to go through this life by himself. He had friends who loved him dearly. A few weeks ago, I noticed that I had not seen anything from him on Facebook for a long time. I mentioned something about it to Amanda and she told me that he had deleted and blocked her on Facebook. Weird. So I sent him a text. Nothing. I called him. Nothing. I called and I texted and I texted and I called and I never heard a word from him. I was starting to get worried about him. So I got a hold of a mutual friend and asked him about Josh. Josh had a new cell phone. One that wasn't on our cell phone plan. So I got his new phone number and contacted him. I got the typical, "oh, I just didn't know how to get a hold of you" lines. I knew what was coming. I could see the writing on the wall. I got in touch with him this past Friday to once more let him know that the cell phone payment was still due. I told him if he just gave me the money to cancel the phone, then we would call it even. He did. As he handed me that money, I hugged him one more time and told him I loved him. I smiled and nodded as he lied to me by saying he loved me too.
Tonight I sent him an email asking what I had done to him. Why he was so angry at me. The email had been viewed, but I didn't get a response. I have lost yet another friend. My friendship is not cherished. My feelings are not cared for. I am tired of hurting each time I lose another friend. My heart has shattered into a thousand tiny pieces once more. I don't know what I am doing wrong.
So if you claim to be my friend, if you think you and I are pals, please, let me know if I'm doing wrong. Because I cannot stand to lose another person in this life. I have lost my entire family, I don't want to lose you too.
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