A Look Inside

Many of you who read this blog, know me.  You know that I love telling stories and that I love to share a good laugh with those I care for.  But ultimately, I am a private person.  I don't like letting people know when I'm having issues.  I don't want people to know if there are troubles in my home, in my marriage and in my life.  I would just assume keep that part of me private, thank you very much.  What happens in my life, is my problem to deal with.  I have always felt this way and to be honest, it will take some massive amounts of will power for my opinion on the matter to change.  I want it to change, it is just going to be a struggle.

My story today starts at church this morning.  It has been so long since we have been able to make it to church.  I miss it, so much.  I know that in my profession that I have to work most weekends, I get it.  I either have to work on Sunday or I work late Saturday night and can't wake up in time to make it to church if I am off on Sunday.  Today is only the fourth or fifth time in 2013 that we have made it to church.  So when I woke up at 9 A.M., I made it a point to make sure we went to church.  The music was great and the teaching was outstanding, but my mind was no place to be hanging out in.  I had so many bad thoughts running through my head that I just wanted to scream!  No matter how much I tried, I just couldn't get the bad thoughts out of my head.  I tried my best to pay as close attention to the teaching as I could, because I figured that if my mind is under this much assault from satan that there must be something that is being said that he doesn't want me to hear.  It turned out that I was right.

The message was about King Uzziah and his rise and fall. It is found in II Chronicles 26.  He became king at the age of 16 and died a leper.  He reigned for fifty two years and amassed so much power that he believed he had to do the jobs of the priests as well.  This made God very unhappy and the blessings from the Lord stopped and the rapid downfall began.  During the sermon, it was said that we always tend to get off to a great start when we do things.  But it's not how we start, it's how we finish.  That really struck a chord with me.  Often times we get a "brilliant idea" and we start off with a bang!  Then over time the idea fades and what was once brilliant, is now just a flash in the pan.  Weight loss programs and dieting are the biggest examples of this.  Our pastor went on to say that as long as King Uzziah was faithful to  and stayed focused on the Lord, that he was prosperous in everything he did.  But the moment Uzziah tried to do things for himself, it all fell apart.

I started thinking that this is exactly what happens in my life.  A while ago I took it upon myself to try to find my own happiness.  I failed.  I was miserable at work and not much better at home.  I hated my life so much that I honestly did not care if I lived or died.  I had a stretch of about two and a half months where every time I worked, I was closing.  I never saw my kids and I barely saw my wife.  I hated everything.  I was at the very bottom of the well and had no where else to look but up.  So I prayed.  I begged God to present me a new or different opportunity.  I pleaded with Him to get me out of my current situation.  Because of my faithfulness to Him, He was faithful to me and granted me His blessings.  Once I arrived to my new place of employment, I stopped praying.  I stopped focusing on God and I turned away from Him yet again.  I am following the same path as King Uzziah.  Is it any surprise to anyone that I am starting to become miserable again?  Is it any shock at all that I am starting to notice that the relationship between my wife and I is starting to become testy again?  Just today we started picking at each other once more.  Luckily, it didn't escalate into a huge argument.  But it could have.

So I need to stop being King Uzziah.  I need to finish strong.  I have to remain faithful to God and keep my focus on Him.  I have to stop trying to do things myself and let Him guide my life.  I have to find myself in His word more and more.  When I am focused on Him, I am happy.  I have a purpose and I have a zest for life.  When I am living for myself, I'm a bit of an asshole.  I don't want to be that person anymore.  I need to start strong and I need to finish strong.

All About Geeks

As most of you know, I am a geek.  I wear my badge proudly.  I have my Pikachu Limited Edition Nintendo 3DS, I have Superman and Batman tattooed on my body, I collect toys and comic books and own plenty of superhero video games and apparel.  I have even went to countless "geek" conventions, most recently the Indy Toy and Comic Expo in Indianapolis, put on by my very good friend, Billy Cooper.  I watched every episode of Smallville and have so far, watched every episode of Arrow.  I love almost everything "superhero" and "comics" related. Almost.  I have watched every comic book movie that is out there.  Yes, I even tortured myself and watched Elektra and Catwoman.

We didn't have many comic book movies when I was growing up.  There was the Batman television series, Wonder Woman series and Incredible Hulk series.  There were the Christopher Reeve driven Superman films in a time before even VCRs.  Back when going to the movies wasn't for every family.  In 1989, Warner Bros and Tim Burton brought us Batman.  A good flick despite its MANY flaws.  Then the market went stale with only Batman trash being thrown at us occasionally.  Those movies do not exist.  Just don't argue with me about it.  Then in 2000, an independent film direct named Bryan Singer and Fox Studios brought us X-Men, and comic book movies as we knew it, changed forever.

In the past 13 years, the market has become flooded with great, good and not so good comic book movies.  The Avengers, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Superman Returns, The Dark Knight, Thor, Green Lantern, X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  The list goes on and on.  There is no sign of this monster slowing down either.  While we do get some great comic book films, we also get some giant bombs.  Catwoman, Elektra, Green Lantern, Superman Returns, X-Men: The Last Stand, just to name a few.  I have issues with movie studios making trash comic book movies for one simple reason, there is already source material and excellent story lines out there to use!  How can you mess up that script?!?!

It really bothers me when Hollyweird takes a great property and completely messes it up.  Fox and Warner Bros. seem to be the biggest culprits in this crime against geeks.  Marvel has done a pretty good job of not screwing up too badly with the movies, with Elektra being the exception.  I can even forgive them for Daredevil, simply because the script was written by Kevin Smith.  Fox and Warner have definitely given us the motherload of stinkers over time.  Catwoman, Green Lantern, Superman Returns, X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Fantastic Four and Rise of the Silver Surfer.  There have been so many great comics written over the past century and so few of those actually turned into movies.  Sure, there are some elements from books sprinkled in here and there, but so very few that are straight from the pages.  Watchmen is one of those that is pretty much shot frame for frame, so kudos to Warner and Zack Snyder for doing that.  I really have no idea where I'm going with all of this, just to say that how can you make a giant turd of a movie when there are so many great stories already written?  And who is the idiot sitting in their penthouse office who gives the go ahead for these atrocities?  Take Green Lantern for example.  Most people went to see it because of Ryan Reynolds, that's okay, I guess, but it was a horrible film.  Green Lantern is such a GREAT character.  The Green Lantern Corps. is such a wonderful idea that could have been used so much better than it was.  Take for instance the planet Oa.  It is barely seen in the film yet in the comics it is an eye popping landscape that would make even a blind person say "wow".  Half of the movie takes place on Oa and you see none of it.  Such a disappointment.  Just another example of a bad comic book movie.  And don't even get me started on X-Men 3 and Spiderman 3, because I will seriously go nuts.  Those two movies are the biggest pieces of garbage on the planet.

Over the next few years we are going to get a lot of comic book movies tossed our way.  Some will be good, some will be not so good and hopefully some will be great.  Marvel Studios will be releasing 3 movies in the next year and a half.  Thor, Captain America and Guardians of the Galaxy.  Fox Studios will be releasing The Wolverine (HOPEFULLY a redemption film) and X-Men: Days of Future Past.  Sony will be releasing the second Amazing Spider-Man soon as well.  So there are quite a few movies coming out in the near future that feature our favorite comic book heroes.  In case you didn't notice, I didn't mention anything about Warner Bros. releasing any DC Comics property any time soon.  Well, okay, Man of Steel did just come out, but there are no plans at all for another DC film in the foreseeable future.  Horrible comic book movies have got to stop folks.  I'm not saying that the films have to be perfect, but just be good.  Man of Steel wasn't a perfect movie, but it was good.  The Dark Knight wasn't a perfect movie, but it was good.  The Avengers was far from a perfect movie, but it was good.  Just make our comic book movies good.  Make them enjoyable, and please, for the love of everything holy, stop releasing garbage like Green Lantern.

Getting The Shaft

My goodness it's been a LONG time since I've blogged.  But, this needs to be done.  These things NEED to be said.  If what I say offends you or you don't like it, don't read it.  That being said, I have to get these things off my chest or else I might explode.  So without further ado...

What the heck is wrong with me???  Am I such a horrible person that not even God wants to be my friend?  Am I really so awful that I lose friends like most people lose their car keys?  Why have I lost four friends, no, not friends, family, people that I have called my family, in less than a year?  Matt, Amanda, Gary and Josh.  In that order.  Why?  What did I do?  Matt and Amanda I can sort of understand.  They swim in a pool of never ending drama.  They eat, drink and sleep drama.  When they poop the drama that they have eaten, there is drama in it.  Eventually, it was going to catch up to me.  Sooner or later, their drama was going to consume me.  It did.  I have lost two friends. It sucks that I've had to pay a lot of money because of their drama, but I did and I'm happy that it is almost over with them.  There is still some legal issues going on, but I don't want to talk about it right now.  That is for a different blog once it is all said and done.

Gary?  He was my longest tenured friend.  I have gone to battle with this man a hundred times.  We won some, we've lost some.  He and I met while working together at Nice-Pak.  Good kid.  A bit misguided, but I liked him.  He was funny, and he and I had a lot of stuff in common.  We both loved the Highlander movies, we both loved Star Wars and he was a closet WWE lover.  I met Gary when it was still the 90's, that's how long he and I have been friends.  Eventually, he met a girl and married her.  He went his way, I went mine.  We hooked back up a few months later because, well, that's just what friends do.  They find a way.  He then introduced me to another one of my best friends.  And we were the three amigos.  We were always together and we all had so much in common.  Then Gary wanted to make his father proud and go fight for Ol' Dubbya.  Yes, I am proud of him for doing that.  When Gary came home after 3 years, he was different.  I wasn't the only one that noticed it.  He still came around, yes, but he was different.  I knew that a bomb was going to drop any time.  And it did.  After a spat about guns (I don't like them, he does), he eliminated me off of Facebook.  No matter.  That doesn't bother me.  But when I asked him about it, he just basically said that he didn't mean to, but that he and I were different.  And that was basically it.  I have lost another friend.  I haven't heard from him since July 4th, 2012.  I miss the kid like crazy and I hope his life is good.  I wish him the happiness that he has struggled to find.

Then there's Josh.  I took this kid in.  I took him under my wing at BK.  I cared for him, I loved him. I tried to show him what it meant to be a friend and I tried to show him how a father can love a son.  I took him to King's Island with us to Spirit Song.  I paid for his food and his ticket to the concert.  I helped him buy a car, I helped him buy a cell phone and even put him on our cell phone plan.  I got him a promotion at Burger King.  When I went to Chili's, I brought him with me.  When I left the Franklin store and went to my home store in Bloomington, I told him to come out and see me as often as he wanted and to make sure he either brought or mailed me the cell phone payment at the beginning of every month.  He agreed and off I went.  I immediately had to remind him to bring me the cell phone payment (this became a monthly ritual).  I bought him a really great Christmas gift and received nothing in return.  That's okay, it's better to give than to receive.  I did my best to try to show Josh in many different ways that he was loved.  That he wasn't alone and he didn't have to face the world alone.  He didn't have to go through this life by himself.  He had friends who loved him dearly.  A few weeks ago, I noticed that I had not seen anything from him on Facebook for a long time.  I mentioned something about it to Amanda and she told me that he had deleted and blocked her on Facebook.  Weird.  So I sent him a text.  Nothing.  I called him.  Nothing.  I called and I texted and I texted and I called and I never heard a word from him.  I was starting to get worried about him.  So I got a hold of a mutual friend and asked him about Josh.  Josh had a new cell phone.  One that wasn't on our cell phone plan.  So I got his new phone number and contacted him.  I got the typical, "oh, I just didn't know how to get a hold of you" lines.  I knew what was coming.  I could see the writing on the wall.  I got in touch with him this past Friday to once more let him know that the cell phone payment was still due.  I told him if he just gave me the money to cancel the phone, then we would call it even.  He did.  As he handed me that money, I hugged him one more time and told him I loved him.  I smiled and nodded as he lied to me by saying he loved me too.  

Tonight I sent him an email asking what I had done to him.  Why he was so angry at me.  The email had been viewed, but I didn't get a response.  I have lost yet another friend.  My friendship is not cherished.  My feelings are not cared for.  I am tired of hurting each time I lose another friend.  My heart has shattered into a thousand tiny pieces once more.  I don't know what I am doing wrong.  

So if you claim to be my friend, if you think you and I are pals, please, let me know if I'm doing wrong.  Because I cannot stand to lose another person in this life.  I have lost my entire family, I don't want to lose you too.

But here's my number...

Okay, so now that this summer's "catchy tune" is stuck in your head I am going to write about some stuff.  Lots of stuff swirling around in my crazy, wacky head today.  Some of them political, which really ticks me off because all politicians need to be replaced.  And I am even talking about the politicians who aspire to be on the state or national level.  They all need to be moved to a state that we don't really need, like Wyoming, or Kansas or something like that and just drop a nuke on the whole place and start over again.  Get Constitutionalists in Washington.  People who will defend the Constitution and uphold it.  There is not a single one in Washington or at a state level who is doing any of that.  So that is my recommendation.  In case anyone cared.

Last Monday I had the opportunity to testify in the trial of a man who made a complete ass of himself at the Burger King I used to work at.  The kid, who we will refer to as Will from here on out, was in my restaurant back in February of this year.  I was on boards (making sandwiches) that day, apparently I forgot the bacon on Will's sandwich, so he came back in to "let me have it".  I made his sandwich a second time, and it wasn't good enough for him because there wasn't enough bacon on his sandwich, even though I put the proper specs on his sandwich.  So I made his sandwich a third time and put the exact same amount of bacon on his sandwich.  Now, to make this story very short, Will was told over twenty times to leave my store, to which he refused.  Once he finally decided to leave, he felt the need to throw an elbow to the back of my employee.  The police were called and he was taken to jail on battery and trespassing charges.

Fast-forward to this past Monday during the trial.  Myself, a former employee of mine and a customer who witnessed the incident all showed up to testify against Will.  Mine and my employee's testimony alone most likely would have been enough to put Will away.  But the customer's testimony, whom I had never seen before in my life until that day, and had not seen since that day, put the nail in Will's coffin.  When we arrived at the courthouse, the prosecutor took the three of us into an empty hallway and explained to us that Will was already on probation for a violent drug crime when all of this happened.  Why was he NOT in jail still?!?!  I digress.  We were told by the prosecutor that he was going after the maximum sentence against Will.  JUSTICE!!!

We waited in the courtroom for over two hours before we were finally called up to the bench.  The three of us testified first.  Questions were asked by both sides to all of the prosecution's witnesses.  I got the idea immediately that the defense attorney was trying to play it up that Will was the victim in this case.  I was right.  Will began testifying as the first witness of the defense.  He testified that me and my employee were threatening to him and were trying to get physical with him.  I literally had to stifle a laugh.  His entire testimony was a lie.  The only part that wasn't was that it took place in my Burger King.

So after all of the testimonies were given, the judge rendered his verdict.  Will was found guilty!  Sentencing began immediately.  The defense talked about how it just wasn't in the people's best interest to give Will a jail sentence over what equates to a $2.00 sandwich and Will being a jerk.  DUH!!!  The prosecution then argued that the law is the law and trespassing and battery were trespassing and battery.  And that when you're on  probation, you don't get probation.  GREAT LINE!!!  After ripping Will in half for being a douche bag and being back in his court for the second time in less than a year, the judge revoked his probation and sentenced him to 180 days per charge.  That means that Will is going to be in jail for the next two years.  Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars!  The sheriff's deputy put cuffs on Will immediately and took him out of the courtroom.  See ya in about 730 days Will!  Stupid.

Okay, enough about that.  Let's get to what I really wanted to come here to talk about.

In the past four to five years, Amanda and I have had a marriage that a lot of people envy.  We never fight, we're never hateful to each other, we show each other the utmost respect and we deeply love each other.

However, this last year I have noticed that sometimes we fight.  Sometimes we can be hateful to each other.  And I don't like it all, just like I know Amanda doesn't like it at all.  I wasn't sure what in the world was going on, so I started praying.  I prayed hard.  I asked God what in the world was going on in my marriage?  It felt like we were losing our footing.  It seemed as though the past five years was just a moment of zen, and reality was coming back home to knock us both in the face and tear us down.  So I prayed.  I continued to pray to God to show me the answers.  Please Lord, reveal to me what is happening and how we fix it.  As a bit of side note, please understand that the past year has not been a bad year for our marriage.  It just felt at times as though things were coming apart at the seams.  I had been praying for quite a while, when the other night things seemed to come to a head.  We had it out and we both ended up falling asleep angry.  I woke up after being asleep for only an hour or so and my mind began racing.  I nearly sent myself into a panic attack.  I finally fell back asleep at around 7am.  After a few more hours of sleep I woke up.  Amanda, already awake, sitting beside me.  We talked for a long time.  Talked.  Not argued.  Talked.

We worked things out, and together we figured out that our marriage was under attack from the devil.  The enemy was doing his best to try to rip our marriage up bit by bit.  And he was succeeding.  The wonderful thing about having God in our lives is that we have an Ace up our sleeves.  He wants ALL marriages to succeed.  I invoked the name of Jesus to make the devil flee from our lives once more and began praying for the Lord to restore what had been damaged.  Since that day, our marriage has been fun once more.  It has that zip that had been absent for a time.  We are back.  While our love never wavered, there were doubt from both of us.  Now I believe we can both confidently say that there is no more doubt.  Only love.


Below are a couple of videos that mean a lot to Amanda and I.  Give them a listen if you'd like.

God Gave Me You by Dave Barnes.  This is the original, beautiful version of this song.  

This is the song that Amanda and I chose to be "our song".  Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd

Yep, I'm being attacked

There are quite a few things that I have had on my mind lately and if I don't let them out, I just might blow my top.  First on my mind is the entire ordeal going on with our youngest son, Cullen.  He is our Aspie.  He's my little buddy and I love him with all my heart.  I would take a bullet for him and I would fight to the death for him.  Fight to the death...That's something we've been having to do a lot of lately.  Because of a certain principal at a middle school on the west side of Martinsville, Cullen's first year of High School is turning out to be very difficult.  It is almost time for school to start, and he barely has a schedule.  It is a very bare boned schedule.  He has not been placed in Orchestra, which he excelled in in his time at the middle school level.  We were not informed, as we should have been, that Cullen would have to audition for Orchestra.  So here we are, three weeks out from the start of classes, and Cullen has not had his audition.  We have emailed the director of Martinsville High School's Orchestra and her response was simple.  Cullen will need to have violin lessons in order to catch up to what he has missed while out of the school on the west side of town.  Remember, he has three weeks to do these lessons and do his audition and get Orchestra put on his schedule for his 9th grade year.  

Frustration is starting to set in as we are struggling to keep in contact with the Orchestra teacher.  Amanda and I have  BOTH tried to reach her via email, only to not hear a response.  Our son deserves the same opportunities that other students have already been given.  I am so aggravated and furious with how all of this has went down that I could just scream.  In no way, shape or form do I think that my son will be the next Wolfgang Mozart (yes, he was a violinist), but I know he enjoys being in Orchestra and enjoys playing his violin and is actually pretty good at it.  He also deserves the same chance to be in Orchestra as everyone else had.  If he does not receive his chance, you can be certain that I'll be raising some hell.  I love hearing my son play his violin.  It is sweet music to my ears.  It is beautiful to me in a way I had never heard before.  I love hearing him play and pray very much that he will get in to Orchestra class this year.

Now on to the second thing that has been eating at me for a while.  Any time I post anything at all on Facebook, I get one of three reactions.  I either get silence, an "I agree" or lambasted.  First of all, let me explain that I post what I want, when I want it.  Secondly, let me say that I could be posting MUCH worse things like crude jokes, nude women or a bunch of political propaganda that has nothing to do with anything. But I don't.  I don't post any of those.  HOWEVER, I do post how I believe.  If you feel differently, that's fine.  But if you ridicule me for how I feel or what I believe, be prepared to be unleashed upon.  I don't treat you like crap for how you feel, and I'll be damned if you do the same thing to me.  So let me lay it all out for you right now so you know EXACTLY how I feel.  And again, if you unleash on me for how I feel or how I believe, then you had better be prepared to get unleashed upon more harshly than you've ever felt!

1.) I believe in PRO-CHOICE!  The only exception is if she uses it as a "oops, I'm a whore" excuse. (Thank you for that line Billy Cooper.)

2.) I believe that EVERY PERSON has the right to get married no matter what gender of person they choose to marry.  You have the right to choose who you want to be with for the next few years before you end up cheating on your spouse with a co-worker and then wind up divorced.  Gays have that same exact right!!!  To deny them that denies them one of their civil rights!

3.) I believe that MOST Republicans are morons.  No explanation necessary.  You're just idiots.  One of your heroes is that douchebag Rush Limbaugh.  He honestly believes that The Dark Knight Rises is a movie that was made by Democrats as political propaganda.  Freakin' retarded!!!

4.) I believe that a HUGE AMOUNT of Christians are the most closed minded group of people on the planet.  And I'm a Christian!  Don't believe me fellow Christians???  Just read through numbers 1 and 2 again and you will prove my point.  

5.) I believe that Jesus is not white at all.  He was born in the Middle East.  He grew inside of a Middle-Eastern woman.  2 + 2 DOES NOT equal "Apple".  Geez...

6.) I believe that ALL races and religions of people should be treated as equals.  Just because someone has a different view in their beliefs does not mean I'm superior over them.  It just means that they've found something that works for them.  Cool.  Except for Scientologists.  They can go f*&k themselves!

7.) I believe that MY WIFE is the most important person in my life.  If you decide to take it upon yourself to verbally attack her, I WILL strike like a viper.  I will not be pleasant, and I will treat you like the p.o.s. that you are.  GOT IT?!?!

8.) I believe that I make tons of mistakes every single day of my life.  I believe that I've made mistakes in my life that most folks could never even fathom in their wildest dreams.  I absolutely, 100% believe that I am not a better person because I have found faith in Jesus.  Since I feel that way, I would really appreciate it if you didn't think you're a better person than me because you don't believe yourself to be a sinner.  YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!  GET OVER YOURSELF!!!

9.) I WILL NOT change my mind because you THINK you're right.  If I'm wrong, then I'll deal with it once I get in front of the big guy.  Then I'll explain to him that all I wanted to do was to love EVERYONE the way that His Son told me to do!  So you might as well keep your closed minded, ignorant thoughts away from me.  Cause I'll come at ya.  

10.)  Why am I doing all of this?  Why does it seem like I'm reverting a little bit back to my old self?  Well those are two very interesting questions.  Both of which I have an equally interesting answer.  Because f*$k you, that's why!

    

Musings of a MAD man

I have SO much to blog about.  It has been so long since I've actually done this.  There are so many things that I have to say, and this is really the only forum where I can do it and be free to do it and say whatever I want.  I am going to include quite a few videos in this blog as well.  I hope that you take a moment to listen to them and allow the music to speak to you.    

I first want to talk about my job.  I absolutely love it!  I have been there since June 25, 2012.  I never thought it was possible to find a place of employment where I actually enjoy being there, but I have.  I get to work with my former BK boss and get to work with two former BK co-workers.  I enjoy being with such great friends again, and I love the new craft that I am learning.  Casual dining is so different compared to Fast Food.  Many more menu items to learn, and believe it or not, it is a much faster pace than Fast Food.  But nonetheless, I love it.  I have a great boss and have met some truly amazing new co-workers who's friendships I will always cherish.

The next topic I want to discuss is an event that is happening in the very early part of September.  I have the privilege of conducting the wedding ceremony of two of my former BK kids.  I recently became an Ordained Minister to do this for them.  I'm really excited about it, but very nervous at the same time as this is my kids' big day and I don't want to mess it up.  I have lots of time to practice before we get to the shindig, but I'm still nervous.  So, Cody, Tay, there will always be tough times.  There will always be disagreements.  There might even always be struggles.  But remember, 100% of the time, Love Never Fails.  I would like to dedicate this song to the two of you in advance of your wedding.

Of course, being able to conduct the ceremony of my two BK kids is only one reason why I became an Ordained Minister.  The other reason is so I can use it as a tool to draw more near to the Lord.  I know that I have fallen far from His grace and mercy, but I also know that He still loves me as I am.  I am a sinner and it is lucky for me that Jesus is a friend of sinners.

There is a line in the above song that says, "Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing finger."  Man...talk about an eye opening line.  I think we are all guilty of this at some point.  Some perhaps more than others.  I know that I'm very guilty of it.  I was the lost cause.  I was the outcast.  But You died for sinners just like me.  And I thank you for that my Jesus.  Thank you.  So I am hoping very much that by becoming an Ordained Minister that I can have a closer relationship to Jesus.  Learn to walk closer to Him, and learn that every person, no matter their background.  No matter their story.  No matter what they've done to me, deserves love.  My ex brother-in-law.  Who has done some terrible, terrible things to me and mine.  He deserves love and forgiveness.  My Mother.  Who has turned her back on me and has told me to stay away.  She deserves love and forgiveness.  Jesus clearly gave us ALL one last command when He said;

 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 23 34-35

If that doesn't tell you that we are supposed to love everyone, no matter what, then I don't know what does. This is an area that I struggle with immensely.  I want to love everyone.  I try to love everyone.  I defend "the least of these".  But I struggle so much with forgiveness.  So the Lord decided to bring this song into my life.

The first time I heard this song I knew that I had to forgive those who have wronged me.  God had brought this song into my life to help change me.  He brought this into my life to help make me a better person.  I have to admit, I don't know where my ex brother-in-law lives.  But I would love to tell him face to face that while he hurt me in a way that no person has or will ever hurt me, I forgive him for what he has done.  I guess that it will just have to do for now, knowing that I forgive him.  Even though I'm not able to tell him face to face.  I would also love to be able to tell my Mother that I forgive her as well for disowning me and turning her back on me.  But I know what her response would be.  She would tell me that she does not need forgiveness, because she has done nothing wrong...And she really does believe that.

Now I want to talk about the events of today.  The shootings in Aurora, Colorado.  I do not know anyone that was in that theater.  I don't know their names.  I may never know their names.  But these events have left my heart shattered in pieces.  I am so saddened by what this agent of evil has done to these people in their time of escape from a world that is fracturing all around us.  Today our world fractured even more.  A monster walked into Theater #9 at around 12:20AM, during the Midnight Premiere of The Dark Knight Rises, and opened fire.  Killing 12.  Injuring 59 more.  I'll never know any of them.  

So why is this tearing at my soul so much?  The answer is simple.  Can you not see the answer staring you in your face?  It is because I TRULY DO LOVE everyone.  I have taken Jesus' final commandment that He gave us to heart.  I care too much and I love too hard.  When someone is caused unnecessary pain, I hurt with them.  When I climbed into my car this morning and first heard the news of what had happened mere hours before, I was stunned.  My chin fell in my lap and I tried to pick it back up again.  As more details quickly emerged in the 45 minutes that it took me to get to work, I wept with the news of another life lost.  When I got home and finally had a chance to talk with my wife about everything, I cried once more.  Not because another life was lost, but because I had put two and two together and realized that my best friend had went to the Midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises last night in Indianapolis.  

I understood that with all of the shootings and murders that happen in Indianapolis all the time, this horrific massacre could easily have happened in ANY Smalltown, USA.  It could have happened in OUR Smalltown, USA.  And it could have been my best friend who lay lifeless on the floor of that movie theater.  I wept.  My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved in Aurora, Colorado.  Including the shooter.  Even though tonight he was one of hell's assassins, he is still a child of God, and he deserves the Lord's grace and mercy just like we all do.  

So to the families, the victims, the officers that have seen too much throughout this out of the ordinary day, I would like to dedicate this song to you.  Just watch what happens when the hurt and the Healer collide.

A fellow blogger who was in Theater #9 posted her thoughts on the events once she got home and had a chance to calm herself and her kids.  Take a moment to read her words.  They're very powerful.  Check her blog out here.

I will try real hard to keep blogging.  Please understand though that I work very long hours and the time that I do have at home, I enjoy spending as much time with my wife and kids as I possibly can.  As always, leave me some comments if you'd like.  I won't get offended at all if you disagree with anything that I have to say.  I won't matter at all.  Because I'll still love you.

Blog, blog, blog. Blog, blog, blog.

As per usual I have so much on my mind.  I don't even know where to start.  So, I guess I'll just begin the ramblings of a madman.

As you may or may not know, I love tattoos.  I have six of them right now and plan to do many more under the right circumstances.  Every single one of my tattoos have a meaning to them.  They have a purpose.  I didn't just get them just because I thought they were cool.  They all mean something special  to me.  I am going to post some pictures of some tattoos that I have, that other people have and that I love.

The top one, Amanda got for me.  The bottom one, I got for her.  Now, you have to understand that I have ALWAYS been 100% dead set against getting her name tattooed anywhere on me.  Call me superstitious, call me stupid.  What ever you want.  But I've been completely against it.  I believed it to be a curse.  However, I will say that this is my favorite tattoo that I have on me.  Period.  It is a beautiful work of art that has my best friend's and lover's name on it.  What's not for me to love?  Now I will tell you that this was also the most painful tattoo that I have as well.  I was in some serious pain while getting this done.  It was worth it to me though.  What convinced me to get it done was that after 17 years together, and all the misery and bull shit that I put my wife through, she deserved this.  She had rightfully earned this tattoo.  I have no regrets about getting it.  Like I said, this is my favorite tattoo that I have.

This one is my Lacrae 1-1-Six tat.  Lacrae is one of my favorite Christian musicians.  He is a rapper.  I normally cannot stand rap music.  In fact, I pretty much hate it, but this guy is the truth.  He is on fire for Christ.  You can hear his passion for the Lord and for spreading the gospel in his music and lyrics.  I got this tattoo the day after seeing him in concert.  The red continuous R's stand for "Resurrect, Rebuild and Rehabilitate in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit".  The 1-1-Six is for Romans 1:16 which says; "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.  First to the Jews, then to the Gentile.

My first ever tattoo.  Well, the name was anyway.  I got this tattoo not long after Hayden was born.  After 14 years, it had faded immensely.  I had Inky outline the name and re-color it as well as add the bull.  Hayden is a Taurus after all.  It only seemed fitting.

This was my second tattoo.  It is hard to see, because again, it is fading.  But it is a white tiger with Cullen's name underneath it.  I really want to get this one refinished as soon as possible.  I just have to come up with the money.

Aahhh...my Homer tattoo.  This was my very first tribute tat.  I had this one done for my best friend who lost his battle with cancer in January of 2010.  He and I had a lot of good times together when we were younger.  However, like most friends from high school do, we lost touch once we graduated.  Yes, his name is Brad, but I always called him Homer.  Sitting in his kitchen one night with him and his mother, I had to laugh when the two of them began bickering.  Like most teenage boys do, Bradley kept antagonizing his mother.  She got fed up with this and yelled his full name; BRADLEY HOMER LITTELL!  I stopped dead in my tracks and looked straight at her.  "What did you say?" I asked her.  Brad began begging his mom not to repeat it.  "Bradley Homer Littell" she told me.  I nearly fell out of the kitchen chair I was laughing so hard.  From that day forward I never called him Brad.  He would always be Homer to me.  As rabid Indiana Hoosier fans, I felt that a tattoo of Homer Simpson dressed in IU gear was a very fitting tribute to my brother.  I love you Homer.  Philippians 1:3 brother.  I thank my God every time I remember you.

On his birthday of this year, I stopped by to see him.  If you look up and to the right of his headstone, you'll see a small Homer Simpson action figure.  I had to put that there.

This was Amanda's third tattoo.  However, unfortunately, it is her second tribute tattoo.  Mom passed away January 2, 2011 at 1:11pm.  She lost her battle with breast cancer.  This is one of my favorite tattoos that I've seen.  Not because the quality of work is the best I've ever seen, or because of the colors, or because of who it's on.  It's one of my favorites because of who it's for.  Sherry was a very special lady and I love and miss her very much.

This is obviously my Superman/Batman tat.  I have loved these two characters since I was a little kid.  I can remember my Nonnie had a red bath towel that I would pin around my neck and run around the house pretending I was Superman.  And of course, who doesn't love Batman?!?!

This is one that was done on my brother's daughter.  It is her tattoo for him.  He loves wolves very much, so she got this one for him.  I love the color and the look and feel of the ink.  It looks very much like a real wolf.  Even though this isn't my tattoo, I just had to post it because of how awesome the work is!

Of course, the big lump of coal on the left in this picture is me.  The guy on the right is Inky...I mean Dustin.  He is the guy who has done all of the tattoos above with the exception of my tattoo for Cullen.  Although I really would like for him to touch that one up.  I currently have him working on a design for a new one for me.  Naturally once it's finished I will post it on Facebook and most likely here too.  I hope you've enjoyed!