Starbucks Vs. Jesus

I need to preface this entry by saying that I am a follower of Jesus and that I love He and God very much.  I, like so many other believers in this world, fail as a Christian every day.  I am so thankful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for me on the cross so that my debts would be paid and my sins washed clean.

Unless you've been living under a rock these last few days, you've noticed and probably paid attention to news about Starbucks and their "Red Cups".  Sigh...  In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, here is a photo for you about the aforementioned Starbucks' Red Cups.

"It's a war on Christmas"!  These are the words of Joshua Feuerstein, an Evangelist and social media personality based out of Arizona.  I have had many thoughts about this and have posted many of those thoughts about this topic.  However, the first word that popped in my head when I read about this was, "Really?"  This is what our country has come to, folks.  This is what is important to us now.  If there truly is a war on Christmas, as Mr. Feuerstein claims, then why isn't he out and about really doing something about it?  Instead of arguing about the package that a very expensive cup of coffee comes in, why isn't he preaching to his flock about taking care of the problems this country faces in the same manner that Jesus would?

Here's an idea for those who are in an uproar about snowflakes and mistletoe being removed from a coffee cup.  Take that money that you spend on your daily coffee beverage, let's just say $7 a cup, multiply that by 44 days until Christmas, that's $308 and donate that to the over 1.3 million homeless children identified by public schools just last year alone!  Think of how great a Christmas could be for a child if everyone that is offended by this red cup would do that!  That is what Jesus would want you to do.  That is what Jesus himself would do.  In the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 10 verse 18 it says "He defends the fatherless and the widow and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing".  It's right there in the book that you swear by Joshua Feuerstein!  I also did some research as to where in that same Bible it says to start a national controversy over a red Starbucks cup.  My search came up empty.  However, one other thing I saw was this: "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity for him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth". 1 John 3:17-18.  Feuerstein has also stated that he has told the Starbucks Baristas that his name is "Merry Christmas" when they ask for his name.  "I tricked you into putting 'Merry Christmas' on your cup", he says.  So now he is a liar and a deceiver and he is asking his sheeple to do the exact same thing!  Some follower of Jesus this man has turned out to be.

To an extent, I do believe there is a war on Christmas.  But it is not the same war that people like Joshua Feuerstein think.  The war is not coming from the media, or from businesses (who, by the way are in business to make money and Christmas time is the busiest season of each year).  I believe that the war on Christmas is coming from those who claim to cherish Christmas so much because it is the time to celebrate the birth of their savior, Jesus.  Hold on, hold on.  Not all of you, but a majority.  These same types of people who are standing on their pulpits, pounding their chests and screaming that the media and businesses and government have declared a war on Christmas, are the same ones standing in line at 5 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day waiting to pick up that discounted Playstaion 4 or Nintendo WiiU for their child.  All the while, they walk by a homeless Veteran on the streets begging for change so they can buy them something hot to eat and snub their noses.  Or they see a child walk into school in the middle of December when it is 15 degrees out, wearing mismatched socks, shoes that have holes in them and pants that are 2 sizes too small and no coat and they laugh.  Never once does it cross their minds that their parents have fallen on hard times.  Not thinking that the Father was laid off from the construction company that he works for because erecting buildings in the middle of winter is not a booming business.  Or maybe that the Mother or Father is a former Veteran who suffers from PTSD and cannot work because of how bad it is.  No!  They judge.  They laugh and make comments about being a welfare child, or that the parents are just too lazy to work and need to stop accepting government handouts and get an actual job.  Or even further, the parent is disabled and just cannot work because of it.  This is what our nation has come to, folks.

These same "Christians" say that our nation has fallen away from God and I agree.  Yet again, it is not because of our Government or businesses or even the media.  It is because we, as the people of this nation, have fallen away from God.  We the people have decided that mocking and judging others who are lesser, is more important than helping the least of these.  We the people have stopped helping our fellow man in their time of need and have instead decided that any assistance is a "handout".  We the people have stopped letting Jesus lead us and are determined to lead ourselves. The only war on Christmas is a war we the people have started and we are the only people who can stop it.  When you're in church and the offering plate comes around, do you give till it hurts?  Or do you give "just enough"?  Do you actually help people in need or are you one of those who say "I live in My Own Little World? (video by Christian singer Matthew West)

I will be the first to admit, there have been two times that my wife and I have received assistance to be able to provide any kind of Christmas gifts to our children.  I am not ashamed of it and feel blessed that someone believed and felt the way that Jesus did toward those who have very little or nothing.  This year will be, by all accounts the same for us as well.  There will be presents under the tree, but not very many.  Three or four a piece if we get lucky and find some great deals.  Nevertheless, that's okay.  Our kids are older and they understand that Christmas isn't about how many gifts they get, but rather the fact that Mom and Dad worked so hard to get them what they could and they recognize the love we have for them to try so hard.

This Christmas, please do not feel like there is a war on Christmas.  Do not snub your nose at the least of these.  Instead, help them and be a part of the solution.  Drop your change in the Salvation Army bucket on your way out of the store.  Stop spending your money on Starbucks every day and donate it to needy families who otherwise would not be able to buy anything for their children.  Even though we are going through some really rough financial times ourselves, I will be dropping all of my change into those red buckets and not even concern myself over red cups.  Do what Jesus commanded of us "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another". John 13:34-35.  Be the light of God.  After all, you may be the only Jesus that a person sees.

How Many Since Sandy Hook?!?!

Let me just start off by saying that I love people.  I know, I know.  I can be a bit grumpy around some of them some times, but I truly do love people.  I love it when friends of mine have babies as well.  Seeing those precious, hopeful children with eyes so big and full of wonder at the world around them.  Then I hear about another tragedy where multiple people are gunned down because some person who owned 14 guns snapped and lost their minds and decided that today was the day that they finally put their entire arsenal to use.  When I hear about horrible events such as what happened at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon just last week, I don't love it when my friends bring new life into this world.  It makes me sad.  It terrifies me for the innocent children who are forcefully placed in a country that cares nothing about protecting them.  It makes me so angry at my friends that they would choose to bring the most wonderful creation into this country where they have a better chance of being gunned down at school, then of making it to their college graduation.

Yes, this blog is about guns.  So let me just say now that I don't care if you have guns.  Let me also say that if you think President Obama is going to come and get your guns, you're a fucking moron.  You have bought into the propaganda that the NRA and the far right are selling you.  Hook, line and sinker.  Whether you want to believe that or not, you have.  Me personally, I do not like guns, nor do I want one.  I don't need one to "protect myself or my family".  If it is our time to go, it is our time to go and there is nothing or no one that can stop that.  Plain and simple.  However, if you are one of those people who would rather have your guns than save the lives of your fellow man, then I have to ask you, why?  Why is your gun so much more important than perserving the lives of over 1200 people since the Sandy Hook Elementary massacre in December of 2012?  Yes, you read that number right.  Over 1200 human lives were taken in MASS MURDERS alone since December of 2012.  That is an average of over 400 lives obliterated in mass murders per year, all in the name of protection.  So again I ask you, why?  Why is that gun so important to you?

Okay, okay, I get it.  Those reading this blog that own guns more than likely aren't going to go on a shooting spree at Martinsville High School.  But what about your neighbors?  Or the people that live across the street from you?  Or that crazy eyed, wild haired man at the end of your block who is always glaring at you as you drive your kids to school every morning?  What about him?  Are any of them going to go to MHS, or any school for that matter and start shooting up the school?  It is very possible.  We hope it doesn't happen.  We pray it doesn't happen.  But sometimes, well, sometimes our prayers aren't answered in the way we hope them to be.  So we just hope...

After doing a bit of research before I wrote this blog, I nearly broke down in tears.  The numbers are staggering!!!  This year alone there have been 300 mass shootings.  Since Sandy Hook, there have been 994.  Let that number sink in.  994 mass shootings.  Over 1200 human lives taken from this earth, their families and friends.  The United States of America has an average of 32,000 gun related deaths PER YEAR!!!  According to vox.com, the United States makes up 4.4% of the world's population.  Yet we have 42.4% of the guns owned in the entire world!  WOW!  So what does that tell us?  Well, it's easy.  Statistics show that places that have more guns, have more gun deaths.  Clearly.  And I didn't even graduate college and I figured that one out!

According to data compiled by the UN, the US had 29.7 firearm homicides per 1 million people last year.  In comparison, Switzerland had 7.7, Canada had 5.1 and Germany had 1.9.  All free countries.  All democratic countries.  Criminal Justice experts believe that this is a result of cultural and policy decisions that have made guns far more accessible in America than in most of the world.  For the U.S., that means not just more mass shootings, but more gun violence in general.  (Yes, I borrowed that paragraph from vox.com, excellent little website!)

On September 30, 2015, President Barack Obama held a press conference to address the shootings in Roseburg, Oregon.  Part of what he said was this:  "Somehow, this has become routine.  The reporting is routine, my response here at this podium ends up being routine, the conversation in the aftermath," he then tapered off.  "We've become numb to this.  We talked about this after Columbine and Vicksburg, after Tucson, after Newton, after Aurora, after Charleston."  I can tell that he wants to make changes.  I can tell that many people want to make changes.  I know that the majority of Americans care about the lives of their fellow man.  Yet changes are never made.  History continues to repeat itself.  People continue to die because of senseless tragedies that can be, but never will be prevented.

After 26 people were murdered in cold blood at Sandy Hook Elementary School in December of 2012, 20 of which were children, the iron was hot to strike to help get a little bit of gun control in this country.  But, just like they always have in the past, the NRA shoved fistfuls of dollars into the pockets of politicians all over the country and the topic just went away.  Just like it always does.  After that horrible event, the NRA coined a really catchy phrase that gun lovers everywhere began to chant in places such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and hell, even in public places.  "The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun."  Well let me ask you this, since that phrase was first voiced by the NRA, how has THAT worked out for us?  So there haven't been 994 mass shootings since December of 2012 because of all the brave good guys with guns?  WOO HOO!!!  WE WON!!!  Oh...wait.  You mean nothing has changed?  There HAVE BEEN 994 mass shootings since December of 2012?  There HAVE BEEN over 65,000 human live eliminated from this earth because of guns?  Okay then, where are the good guys with a gun?  Honestly.  I want to know.  I want to know WHY 994 mass shootings weren't prevented because of all of these good guys with guns.

Apparently the NRA was wrong.  Apparently, everyone who ever uttered that phrase in the almost 3 years since 26 people, 20 of which were children were gunned down at Sandy Hook Elementary School, was wrong.  President Obama continued in his press conference regarding the shooting at Umpqua Community College by saying "As I said a few months ago and a few months before that and each time we see one of these mass shootings, our thoughts and prayers are not enough.  It does nothing to prevent this carnage being inflicted some place in America, next week or a couple of months from now.  Somehow, this has become routine."  Routine indeed, Mr. President and it seems that there is nothing that you, myself, or anyone else in this country can do to stop it.

Many years ago I was doing a bible study with some friends of mine on the book of Revelations.  When John the Reveler was seeing his visions of the future, he saw a country that he described as having the heart of a lion and the head of an eagle, who had come to lead the way and to protect the world.  I initially took that as meaning the U.S.A.  I was told that while I had every right to believe that, most folks believe that the country that John describes was England, not America.  I asked why John didn't mention America.  I was told quite simply, "Because America will not exist in the end times".  I had struggled with the idea of that for many, many years.  I had tried so hard to wrap my mind around HOW we, the good 'ol U.S. of A. could not be around in the end times.  Now I know how, I've known for a while.  We are just going to kill ourselves.  End of story.  The U.S. will not be around in the end times because we are going to slaughter ourselves with our own guns.  We as a people, do not value human lives.  We as a nation, do not care to save our people.  All in the name of protection.

The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is with a good guy with a gun was truly and honestly, never the answer.  So what is the answer?  I wish I knew.  I wish I could tell you how we could make this country of ours safer for it's citizens.  I wish I had a brilliant idea as to how we can stop all of these senseless massacres.  But I don't.  However, I do know this, pretending that mass shootings are going to stop will never work.  Playing make believe that a good guy with a gun is going to ride into town on his bright white horse to stop the bad guy with a gun, isn't working.  Hoping that people will stop mass murdering people is most definitely not the answer.  I also know this, the truest definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Isn't it time for our nation and it's people to stop being insane?

America: The Greatest Country in the World, Indeed

With the United States' Presidential Election just over a year away, many topics have risen to the forefront of what America and her citizens are talking about, worried about, thinking about and mad about.  Chief among them being immigration and gay marriage.  I'll admit, I have thought quite a bit about both of these topics as well.  However, my opinions most likely differ from yours greatly.  I have a question for my readers (as few as they may be), don't we have more important things to worry about?  I mean, seriously?  I read a post on Facebook earlier today about Denmark being the happiest country on the planet.  Well, they were.  This year they were taken over by Switzerland.  Denmark is still the 3rd happiest country on the planet.  So what is it that these two small nations do that the US doesn't do that make it's peoples so happy?  Lucky for you, I have done a bit of research, so you don't have to.  Now let me explain...

Both Switzerland and Denmark have free, universal and effective health care.  Not only is the health care free, it is a right of EVERY person that is a citizen of these countries.  It's people do not have to shell out $200 - $1000 a month to be able to see a doctor, dentist or medical specialist.  Because of that, Danes and Swiss see their Primary Care Physicians almost twice as often per year as a citizen of the US.  The routine visits allow the PCP to establish continuity with their patients that help to extend lives, on average, to almost 13 YEARS LONGER than the average American.  Do you still think America is the greatest nation on the planet?  Let me finish then...

Both Switzerland and Denmark have free, universal and effective child care.  Are you tired of shelling out almost $200 a week for child care so that both adults in the house can work?  You should be.  These nations that rank numbers 1 and 3 in the world as far as happiness of it's people go, have figured this out so they can keep the money that they have worked so hard to earn.  My wife and I were lucky, we didn't have to pay for child care.  My wonderful mother-in-law took care of our kids until they were old enough for school.  Not everyone is blessed the way we were.  The people of Denmark and Switzerland are though.  Every single one of them.  Are you still convinced the US is the greatest nation in the world?  Allow me to continue...

Switzerland and Denmark have free, universal and effective college educations for all of it's citizens.  Imagine if you will being so intelligent and knowing by the time you are 16 years old what you want to do with your life.  Now imagine being that same intelligent person not being able to go to college because your parents can't afford to send you because one year of tuition to the college that you want to go to is more than $30,000.  It makes you feel horrible doesn't it?  Maybe even a little depressed?  How about being able to take out student loans to pay for college?  A student can always do that if they want to go to school that much.  Yes, you are correct.  Imagine you are the same person from the two instances above, except now you have to take out student loans for four years of a higher education at an average of $30,000 a year.  After you graduate, you walk out with your piece of paper, a smile on your face, no job and over $100,000 of debt!  Congratulations!!!  Your education has cost you the price of a 3 bedroom home in the state of Indiana.  Now pay it off for the next 20 - 30 years of your life.  This isn't an exception for college students in the US, it is a reality.  Have you changed your mind yet about America being the greatest country in the world?  I will finish up now...

The American worker in the greatest country in the world puts in, on average, 47 hours a week just to pay their bills, put a small amount of food in the cabinets and fridge and be broke for another 6 or 13 days, depending on your job's pay cycle.  In Switzerland, the workers have a 35 hour work week.  In Denmark, it is a 33 hour work week.  I'm sure by now you're asking yourself, but how do they survive working so little?  Well, that's an easy question to answer.  In Denmark the minimum wage is $20 USD per hour.  In Switzerland, the minimum wage is $19 USD per hour.  Both of these countries accomplish this incredible feat with zero natural resources to speak of.  Most of the income that these two countries have coming in is from exported goods and tourism, with 80% coming from exported goods.  Are you still convinced that the United States is the greatest country in the world?  Then I pity you.

So how can the US begin to measure up to all of what Denmark and Switzerland do?  Why, I'm glad you asked.  Do it.  Period.  Do everything they are doing!  But, but, but, how could we possibly pay for this?  Again, I'm so glad you asked!  Switzerland spends less than 2.4% of their GDP on healthcare and a total of less than 8% of their GDP on everything I mentioned in the paragraphs above.  Denmark does not spend much more than Switzerland.  3.1% and 9.5% respectfully on healthcare and the total of everything.  On top of all of this, the highest tax bracket of Switzerland is 11.5%.  Denmark is just slightly higher at 12.3%.  America's AVERAGE tax bracket is 35%!!!  So here's how we do it.  It is really a simple solution and one that even the most stubborn assholes in Washington could agree on.  Stop sending billions of dollars to countries overseas.  Stop spending billions of dollars every fiscal quarter on barrels of oil only to stock pile them "in case shit".  Stop paying the corrupt politicians more than 100x's more than the people they represent.  And this one, I really can't stress this one enough, STOP SPENDING BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS OF OUR HARD EARNED DOLLARS ON MEANINGLESS, WORTHLESS AND GREED DRIVEN WARS!!!  If those four things are corrected in Washington, I just saved this nation over a TRILLION dollars to pay for the well-being, care and education of it's people.  If you don't believe this model works or can work, just look to the 1st and 3rd happiest countries in the world!  America, you have failed this nation.  You have failed it's people.  You have failed.

Now ask yourself the question again.  Is America the greatest nation in the world with the way they take care of it's people?  If you still answer yes after reading all of the facts that I have presented to you, then you are part of the problem.

A New Year, A New Life

Well, not really a new life.  There are just changes coming in 2015.  Last night, December 31, 2014 I worked my final shift at Chili's Grill and Bar.  This was a very bittersweet night for me.  I had managed to build some really great relationships, make some life long friends and had entrenched myself firmly in one store and was succeeding.  But then, as it usually does, fate takes hold and the wheels of change begin to turn.  Setting in motion events that would change my life forever.  I should say at the beginning of this, that I will not mention any names at all because I will not in anyway, shape or form badmouth or even call anyone out at Chili's (even though there are a few people that deserve to be called out).  Chili's has been very good to me over these almost three years and I will not say anything bad about it, or it's employees.  Now, with that being said, it wasn't always easy for me at Chili's and there were times that I thought I wasn't going to make it with the company.  There were times where, because of work issues, that I would go through bouts of depression, where I wanted nothing more than for it all to be over with.  But I would somehow always pull myself out of the hole that I had dug and come out a better person because if it.  There were times that one specific server would treat me like shit and tell MASSIVE lies about me (I'm SO glad I don't have to deal with that bitch ever again!  Okay, so no more badmouthing people after this.  HA!), but I do not regret any of my time at Chili's.  In fact, I am very thankful and extremely blessed to have worked for Chili's.

At the end of October, I was transferred to another store.  I was devastated.   I had been told many months before that I would be transferred, but it just never happened.  I had hoped that I had done enough to warrant staying in the store I loved.  Again, fate always works it's way into the fold.  Whether we want it to or not.  No matter where I ended up, no matter what store I was going to work at, I decided to work really hard at making the best out of the situation.

A week into my tenure at my new store, I was talked to very poorly by the GM.  I let him know in a not so nice reply that I was not his dog, his wife or his child and that he would treat me with respect.  I was done.  Completely done.  Here was a man that I had known for about seven days talking to me like I was a piece of shit.  The next morning I started putting feelers out online.  I began submitting my resume to any place that was looking for an experienced manager.  By the afternoon I received a phone call from the District Manager at Arby's.  I was shocked at how quickly I had received a response.  I really thought I would be stuck in a not so great situation for a very long time.  Fate.

A few days later, I interviewed with Arby's and I absolutely crushed it!  I knocked that interview so far out of the park that there was no doubt in my mind that I had the job.  After about a week, the District Manager that I had interviewed with had told me that she was going to pass me on to another DM whose stores are a lot closer to where I live.  Three days later, I interviewed with her and I got the job.  An offer was made and I was on my way out the door.  I thought.  A snag in my background check and drug screen at the end of November kept me at Chili's through the end of the year.

In the two months that I was at the new Chili's, I had built some incredible relationships with some amazing people.  In the almost three years that I was a manager at Chili's, I had always thought that I was just an okay manager at best.  At one point I had thought that I had chosen the wrong path to take in my career.  I had been led to believe by some that I was a very below average manager.  Maybe even a bad manager.  Just a few days ago, something happened that changed my perception of myself as a manager.  I was told by one of my favorite people at the new store that she liked talking to me about mistakes that she makes while at work because I don't yell at her.  That instead of yelling and screaming and treating her like crap (like a few other managers there did), that I would coach her on her mistakes and teach her better and easier ways to do things and how to avoid those mistakes in the future.  She told me that she would always walk away from talking with me feeling better about herself.  Validated.  I was a good manager.  The career path that I had chosen for myself was the right one.  I was making a positive difference in people's lives.  People believed in me and the things I was doing.

By the time my last four days at Chili's had arrived, I had people asking me on a daily basis why I had to leave.  My response was always the same; You know why I have to leave.

So all of this leads up to today.  January 1st, 2015.  I have an entirely new future with a new company lined up ahead of me.  I will be a General Manager at Arby's by August or September and I will be making some pretty darn good money in doing so.  I am starting with a blank slate and confidence in myself as a manger that I had never had before.  I know now that I am a really good manager with the potential to be a great manager.  To those who have helped me along the way, who have cared for me and have encouraged me to look toward bigger and better things, thank you so much.  You know who you are.  I love my Chili's family and I look very forward to seeing them outside of the four walls of Chili's Grill and Bar.

Arby's, I hope you're ready for me because I am ready for you.

Why I Hate Christmas

Let me start by saying I may use some foul language in this blog.  If that offends you, DO NOT read it.  That's all.

There are many reasons why I love Christmas.  The fact that it is a time to celebrate our Savior's birth.  Being with my wife and kids.  The incredible dinner that I make every year.  The looks on our kids' faces when they open their gifts.  Lots of reasons I love Christmas.  With that being said, I really am starting to hate Christmas.  Our lives are so much different from yours.  I could explain everything to you and take a week to do so, but you still wouldn't understand our lives.  I will try to break it down for you in just a small paragraph.

We have nothing to do with my side of the family.  Or rather, they have nothing to do with us.  We are not welcome there, so we don't go.  It sucks and it is very painful for me, but it is now life.  Luckily, my children do not remember my parents.  I would hate for them to have to experience the pain that I go through on a daily basis as well.  The house in which we live, we are not liked much by my Father in Law. We stay because we have to.  We stay because if we didn't, then he and my sister in law who also live here would not make it on their own.

At Thanksgiving, I spent a ton of money for dinner.  So much that I almost didn't have enough money to get gas for the upcoming week.  The food was devoured and that was it.  Nothing was said, no conversations were had, no one said what they were thankful for.  A week or so after Christmas, Amanda and I put up the tree in the living room.  This is the room where my father in law stays, sleeps and eats in.  The entire time we were down stairs, he pretended to be asleep.  He didn't talk to us, he didn't anything.

Now for today.  It was the same as the day we put up the tree.  We were all very loud.  We were laughing and having a great time.  Hayden got a Pocket Trumpet as one of his gifts.  He began to play it.  My father in law never moved.  He just pretended to sleep.  After we cleaned up, Amanda and I went back upstairs and talked about how much we hate how the holidays are now.  The deeply sad feelings I had from his actions the past few weeks is a feeling I would not wish upon anyone.  We are strangers in the house in which we live.  We miss her Mom very much, especially this particular day.  She NEVER would have allowed behavior like this.  She never would have let a 70+ year old man act like a child.  She was the glue that held this family together, now we have fallen apart.  We feel very much alone.  We have talked about this before and today, more than ever, this rings true, all we have left in this world is the four of us.  Me, Amanda, Hayden and Cullen.  That is it.  Lots of people say they are here for us.  Lots of people tell us that they love us, and we do believe that to be true.  But we are not a part of their family.  We will only ever have the four of us at Thanksgiving and Christmas from here on out.

My side of the family is a HUGE family!  There were 4 of us kids and either 9 or 10 grand kids.  We always had a good time out there at Christmas time.  But now, my family can go fuck themselves!  They are just as responsible for why I hate Christmas as the other side is.  In fact, my parents started my hatred of Christmas.  They are the ones who essentially told us to go away and never return.  Well fuck them!  Fuck them all.  I don't know how those pricks can sleep at night with what they did to us.  I really, truly fucking hate Christmas.  This is resentment that has been building for years.  It just so happens that today sent my hatred of this dumb fucking holiday over the top to PURE hatred.  Fuck Christmas and if you have a hand in my hatred of Christmas, FUCK YOU TOO!  If you know my parents or any of my family or are friends with them here on Facebook, tell them that Joe says "Fuck you for making such a blessed holiday such a piece of fucking shit!"

What it is to me

So a little over a week ago, I had a bit of a health scare and was hospitalized for a weekend.  The day that I was to be released from the hospital, I met with a dietitian about how I could change my health, permanently, for the better.  One of the things that she suggested was support from my wife.  I told her no, I didn't want that because I don't feel like my wife supports me with dieting.  I feel like she beats me down (even though I know she doesn't, but that's how it feels to me) whenever she is trying to be "supportive" or tell me that I shouldn't be eating this or that I have eaten too much of that.  I know that this isn't how Amanda is.  I know it.  But regardless, it is how I feel whenever she says anything to me about food.  The dietitian told me that I should think about how support feels to me.  So I have.  At great length.  Since the moment those words came out of her mouth, I have thought about it.  I have come up with absolutely nothing.

The truth is, I don't know what support feels like to me.  I have had so little support when I was young that I don't know what it means to feel supported now.  I do know this, the things that Amanda has been doing up until this point is NOT supportive.  It makes me feel like a worthless human being and my response to her current "support" is to just go and gorge myself with food just to spite her.  I know she is only trying to help when she says "You didn't eat very well today.", but to me, all I hear is "You are worthless.  You have screwed up so badly.  I hate you."  That is what I hear and it makes me hate me even more than I already do.  It makes me want to just eat until my heart or stomach explode.

So I sit here.  I sit here wondering what support feels like.  I try wracking my brain to come up with something that my parents did when I was younger that made me feel supported.  The only thing I can ever come up with is hearing the words "Good job" a few times.  That's it.  And that is certainly not what I'm hearing now.  I promise you, I am trying very hard to figure out what "support" is to me.  But at the same time, I can assure you that the way things have been handled in the past isn't it at all.  It will just make things worse.  I didn't write this so that anyone can try to help me figure it out.  I just had to write this down.  While talking with my dietitian earlier today, one of the things I said to her was "I got myself in this mess (health wise), I'll get myself out."  I meant that too.  Rome wasn't built in a day and I didn't get to be this fat mess of a slob overnight.  It will take me some time to get it back right.  In the meantime, I don't know what support feels/looks like to me.  Just know that I am trying.

20 Years Gone By

My wife and I have been together going on 20 years.  In fact, it will be 20 years this February 23rd, which is also my 39th birthday.  Do the math there, I'll wait............Did you figure it out?  Yes, I was 19 years old when we first started seeing each other.  Amanda was 16 years old.  We both have been with each other now, more than half of our lives.  That is such a rare feat nowadays.  We have had our share of ups and downs, bumps and bruises and a few occasions where we almost didn't make it.  But we did.  We made it because we wanted to make it.  We stayed together because we love each other and we want to be with each other.  This blog isn't about the history of how we came to be where we are now, I just wanted to give you a bit of a background before I get into the meat and potatoes of it all.

When Amanda and I started dating, I was attending Faith Church and she was attending Eastview Church.  I decided that I would start going to Eastview with her because there were some people that went to Faith that just didn't like Amanda, and I didn't want to put her through that.  Not long after we started going there, Amanda ended up pregnant.  Yes, we were sexually active teens.  I won't go into the details of how everything went down, but at the end of the day, the youth pastor, Marty Corey, the deacons and the youth group parents all told Amanda and I to leave Eastview and never return.  We were crushed.  We were heartbroken and our spirits were ripped in half.  The family that we needed the most, our church family, had turned their backs on us and abandoned us.  They had left us out in the cold to face the world and our mountainous problems alone.  We tried turning to Faith Church for help.  We went out to the youth group a couple of times and were made to feel like outcasts by the rest of the group.  Only one person stood by us and that was Stu Henning, the leader of the Faith Church Youth Group.  He was a comfort to us in a time when we had none.

Because of the way we were treated whenever we went out to Faith, we just stopped going.  Over time, Amanda and I became bitter.  Well, me more than her.  I turned my back on my faith and began to resent those who had faith.  It went so far as to me hating believers and hating God.  All because of the youth leader at Eastview, Marty Corey.  I have a question for you Marty.  What did Jesus tell us was our last commandment?  You should know this one Marty.  After all, you are a pastor at a church now.  What was that?  Jesus told us to "love one another, as I have loved you".  Yet you didn't.  You didn't love two very lost and very scared teenagers.  It is directly because of that lack of love that two faithful followers lost their way.  We strayed from God and in some cases (mine), even hated Him.  It took nearly 15 years for Amanda and I to go back to church because of your actions and the actions of those at Eastview.

So let's fast forward to yesterday.  Amanda and one of her closest friends went to an Eastview Youth Group reunion of sorts.  Amanda was hesitant at first but eventually decided to go because she had built some pretty good relationships with other kids during her time there.  I did not attend because of work.  God's timing is perfectly perfect.  When Amanda and her friend arrived at the church, Marty Corey was already there.  Everyone said hello to everyone.  Amanda's friend introduced Amanda BY NAME to Marty Corey with the words "And you remember Amanda".  Stoned.  Marty Corey did not say a word to her nor even nod his head in her direction.  Twenty years have gone by.  TWENTY YEARS!!!  Yet this man who has been in the church his whole life, who has studied the word of God HIS WHOLE LIFE and who has made his living TEACHING the word of God, acted like a jilted girl who had been stood up on prom night.  What a professional!  What a great man of God!  What a TERRIFIC example of Christ you are displaying, Mr. Corey.  God sure is proud of you today my friend.  Remember when I said that God's timing is perfectly perfect?  It is a good thing that I had to work yesterday, because I probably would have been at that church yesterday, and I know for a fact that I would not have held my tongue nor my temper and I would have blasted that man for the walking hypocrite that he is all the way back to Kentucky.

While discussing how things went at the reunion with Amanda last night, she told me that his behavior yesterday toward her solidified her struggle with forgiveness.  Yes, she has always struggled in this area of her faith.  I, on the other hand am a very forgiving person.   That is, unless you have caused hurt or harm to my wife.  Then I can become a person whose path you have no desire to cross, and then there is no room in my heart for forgiveness.  You, Mr. Marty Corey, have no place in my heart for forgiveness.  Let me also say, that it is by the grace of God that I was not at the reunion yesterday.  You should really thank Him for allowing those stars to align to where I was at work yesterday.  I would have torn into you in a way that only a lion can.  I would have broke you down so much and so quickly, that the only response from you would have been to piss yourself and fall down in a heap of sloppy tears.  When your time on this earth is done, Marty Corey, God will go through your entire life with you.  He will point to your actions with Amanda and I and He will weep.  He will ask you why you abandoned those whom you were put in charge of.  He will ask you why you did not do as His son told you to do, and that is to love.  God will judge you for your sins and He will tell you the kind of hypocrite you have been your ENTIRE life!  He will then look to His Son and see your sins upon Jesus' back.  He will look back to you and tell you that He still loves you and that He forgives you.  He will then tell you that "Joe Olmsted still loves you and that Joe Olmsted forgives you, because that is what I have called Joe Olmsted to do."

In closing, if you wish to share this with Marty Corey, please do.  I would LOVE for him to see how his poor choices affected two young lives so much.