My goodness it's been a LONG time since I've blogged. But, this needs to be done. These things NEED to be said. If what I say offends you or you don't like it, don't read it. That being said, I have to get these things off my chest or else I might explode. So without further ado...
What the heck is wrong with me??? Am I such a horrible person that not even God wants to be my friend? Am I really so awful that I lose friends like most people lose their car keys? Why have I lost four friends, no, not friends, family, people that I have called my family, in less than a year? Matt, Amanda, Gary and Josh. In that order. Why? What did I do? Matt and Amanda I can sort of understand. They swim in a pool of never ending drama. They eat, drink and sleep drama. When they poop the drama that they have eaten, there is drama in it. Eventually, it was going to catch up to me. Sooner or later, their drama was going to consume me. It did. I have lost two friends. It sucks that I've had to pay a lot of money because of their drama, but I did and I'm happy that it is almost over with them. There is still some legal issues going on, but I don't want to talk about it right now. That is for a different blog once it is all said and done.
Gary? He was my longest tenured friend. I have gone to battle with this man a hundred times. We won some, we've lost some. He and I met while working together at Nice-Pak. Good kid. A bit misguided, but I liked him. He was funny, and he and I had a lot of stuff in common. We both loved the Highlander movies, we both loved Star Wars and he was a closet WWE lover. I met Gary when it was still the 90's, that's how long he and I have been friends. Eventually, he met a girl and married her. He went his way, I went mine. We hooked back up a few months later because, well, that's just what friends do. They find a way. He then introduced me to another one of my best friends. And we were the three amigos. We were always together and we all had so much in common. Then Gary wanted to make his father proud and go fight for Ol' Dubbya. Yes, I am proud of him for doing that. When Gary came home after 3 years, he was different. I wasn't the only one that noticed it. He still came around, yes, but he was different. I knew that a bomb was going to drop any time. And it did. After a spat about guns (I don't like them, he does), he eliminated me off of Facebook. No matter. That doesn't bother me. But when I asked him about it, he just basically said that he didn't mean to, but that he and I were different. And that was basically it. I have lost another friend. I haven't heard from him since July 4th, 2012. I miss the kid like crazy and I hope his life is good. I wish him the happiness that he has struggled to find.
Then there's Josh. I took this kid in. I took him under my wing at BK. I cared for him, I loved him. I tried to show him what it meant to be a friend and I tried to show him how a father can love a son. I took him to King's Island with us to Spirit Song. I paid for his food and his ticket to the concert. I helped him buy a car, I helped him buy a cell phone and even put him on our cell phone plan. I got him a promotion at Burger King. When I went to Chili's, I brought him with me. When I left the Franklin store and went to my home store in Bloomington, I told him to come out and see me as often as he wanted and to make sure he either brought or mailed me the cell phone payment at the beginning of every month. He agreed and off I went. I immediately had to remind him to bring me the cell phone payment (this became a monthly ritual). I bought him a really great Christmas gift and received nothing in return. That's okay, it's better to give than to receive. I did my best to try to show Josh in many different ways that he was loved. That he wasn't alone and he didn't have to face the world alone. He didn't have to go through this life by himself. He had friends who loved him dearly. A few weeks ago, I noticed that I had not seen anything from him on Facebook for a long time. I mentioned something about it to Amanda and she told me that he had deleted and blocked her on Facebook. Weird. So I sent him a text. Nothing. I called him. Nothing. I called and I texted and I texted and I called and I never heard a word from him. I was starting to get worried about him. So I got a hold of a mutual friend and asked him about Josh. Josh had a new cell phone. One that wasn't on our cell phone plan. So I got his new phone number and contacted him. I got the typical, "oh, I just didn't know how to get a hold of you" lines. I knew what was coming. I could see the writing on the wall. I got in touch with him this past Friday to once more let him know that the cell phone payment was still due. I told him if he just gave me the money to cancel the phone, then we would call it even. He did. As he handed me that money, I hugged him one more time and told him I loved him. I smiled and nodded as he lied to me by saying he loved me too.
Tonight I sent him an email asking what I had done to him. Why he was so angry at me. The email had been viewed, but I didn't get a response. I have lost yet another friend. My friendship is not cherished. My feelings are not cared for. I am tired of hurting each time I lose another friend. My heart has shattered into a thousand tiny pieces once more. I don't know what I am doing wrong.
So if you claim to be my friend, if you think you and I are pals, please, let me know if I'm doing wrong. Because I cannot stand to lose another person in this life. I have lost my entire family, I don't want to lose you too.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Monday, August 20, 2012
But here's my number...
Okay, so now that this summer's "catchy tune" is stuck in your head I am going to write about some stuff. Lots of stuff swirling around in my crazy, wacky head today. Some of them political, which really ticks me off because all politicians need to be replaced. And I am even talking about the politicians who aspire to be on the state or national level. They all need to be moved to a state that we don't really need, like Wyoming, or Kansas or something like that and just drop a nuke on the whole place and start over again. Get Constitutionalists in Washington. People who will defend the Constitution and uphold it. There is not a single one in Washington or at a state level who is doing any of that. So that is my recommendation. In case anyone cared.
Last Monday I had the opportunity to testify in the trial of a man who made a complete ass of himself at the Burger King I used to work at. The kid, who we will refer to as Will from here on out, was in my restaurant back in February of this year. I was on boards (making sandwiches) that day, apparently I forgot the bacon on Will's sandwich, so he came back in to "let me have it". I made his sandwich a second time, and it wasn't good enough for him because there wasn't enough bacon on his sandwich, even though I put the proper specs on his sandwich. So I made his sandwich a third time and put the exact same amount of bacon on his sandwich. Now, to make this story very short, Will was told over twenty times to leave my store, to which he refused. Once he finally decided to leave, he felt the need to throw an elbow to the back of my employee. The police were called and he was taken to jail on battery and trespassing charges.
Fast-forward to this past Monday during the trial. Myself, a former employee of mine and a customer who witnessed the incident all showed up to testify against Will. Mine and my employee's testimony alone most likely would have been enough to put Will away. But the customer's testimony, whom I had never seen before in my life until that day, and had not seen since that day, put the nail in Will's coffin. When we arrived at the courthouse, the prosecutor took the three of us into an empty hallway and explained to us that Will was already on probation for a violent drug crime when all of this happened. Why was he NOT in jail still?!?! I digress. We were told by the prosecutor that he was going after the maximum sentence against Will. JUSTICE!!!
We waited in the courtroom for over two hours before we were finally called up to the bench. The three of us testified first. Questions were asked by both sides to all of the prosecution's witnesses. I got the idea immediately that the defense attorney was trying to play it up that Will was the victim in this case. I was right. Will began testifying as the first witness of the defense. He testified that me and my employee were threatening to him and were trying to get physical with him. I literally had to stifle a laugh. His entire testimony was a lie. The only part that wasn't was that it took place in my Burger King.
So after all of the testimonies were given, the judge rendered his verdict. Will was found guilty! Sentencing began immediately. The defense talked about how it just wasn't in the people's best interest to give Will a jail sentence over what equates to a $2.00 sandwich and Will being a jerk. DUH!!! The prosecution then argued that the law is the law and trespassing and battery were trespassing and battery. And that when you're on probation, you don't get probation. GREAT LINE!!! After ripping Will in half for being a douche bag and being back in his court for the second time in less than a year, the judge revoked his probation and sentenced him to 180 days per charge. That means that Will is going to be in jail for the next two years. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars! The sheriff's deputy put cuffs on Will immediately and took him out of the courtroom. See ya in about 730 days Will! Stupid.
Okay, enough about that. Let's get to what I really wanted to come here to talk about.
In the past four to five years, Amanda and I have had a marriage that a lot of people envy. We never fight, we're never hateful to each other, we show each other the utmost respect and we deeply love each other.
However, this last year I have noticed that sometimes we fight. Sometimes we can be hateful to each other. And I don't like it all, just like I know Amanda doesn't like it at all. I wasn't sure what in the world was going on, so I started praying. I prayed hard. I asked God what in the world was going on in my marriage? It felt like we were losing our footing. It seemed as though the past five years was just a moment of zen, and reality was coming back home to knock us both in the face and tear us down. So I prayed. I continued to pray to God to show me the answers. Please Lord, reveal to me what is happening and how we fix it. As a bit of side note, please understand that the past year has not been a bad year for our marriage. It just felt at times as though things were coming apart at the seams. I had been praying for quite a while, when the other night things seemed to come to a head. We had it out and we both ended up falling asleep angry. I woke up after being asleep for only an hour or so and my mind began racing. I nearly sent myself into a panic attack. I finally fell back asleep at around 7am. After a few more hours of sleep I woke up. Amanda, already awake, sitting beside me. We talked for a long time. Talked. Not argued. Talked.
We worked things out, and together we figured out that our marriage was under attack from the devil. The enemy was doing his best to try to rip our marriage up bit by bit. And he was succeeding. The wonderful thing about having God in our lives is that we have an Ace up our sleeves. He wants ALL marriages to succeed. I invoked the name of Jesus to make the devil flee from our lives once more and began praying for the Lord to restore what had been damaged. Since that day, our marriage has been fun once more. It has that zip that had been absent for a time. We are back. While our love never wavered, there were doubt from both of us. Now I believe we can both confidently say that there is no more doubt. Only love.
Below are a couple of videos that mean a lot to Amanda and I. Give them a listen if you'd like.
Last Monday I had the opportunity to testify in the trial of a man who made a complete ass of himself at the Burger King I used to work at. The kid, who we will refer to as Will from here on out, was in my restaurant back in February of this year. I was on boards (making sandwiches) that day, apparently I forgot the bacon on Will's sandwich, so he came back in to "let me have it". I made his sandwich a second time, and it wasn't good enough for him because there wasn't enough bacon on his sandwich, even though I put the proper specs on his sandwich. So I made his sandwich a third time and put the exact same amount of bacon on his sandwich. Now, to make this story very short, Will was told over twenty times to leave my store, to which he refused. Once he finally decided to leave, he felt the need to throw an elbow to the back of my employee. The police were called and he was taken to jail on battery and trespassing charges.
Fast-forward to this past Monday during the trial. Myself, a former employee of mine and a customer who witnessed the incident all showed up to testify against Will. Mine and my employee's testimony alone most likely would have been enough to put Will away. But the customer's testimony, whom I had never seen before in my life until that day, and had not seen since that day, put the nail in Will's coffin. When we arrived at the courthouse, the prosecutor took the three of us into an empty hallway and explained to us that Will was already on probation for a violent drug crime when all of this happened. Why was he NOT in jail still?!?! I digress. We were told by the prosecutor that he was going after the maximum sentence against Will. JUSTICE!!!
We waited in the courtroom for over two hours before we were finally called up to the bench. The three of us testified first. Questions were asked by both sides to all of the prosecution's witnesses. I got the idea immediately that the defense attorney was trying to play it up that Will was the victim in this case. I was right. Will began testifying as the first witness of the defense. He testified that me and my employee were threatening to him and were trying to get physical with him. I literally had to stifle a laugh. His entire testimony was a lie. The only part that wasn't was that it took place in my Burger King.
So after all of the testimonies were given, the judge rendered his verdict. Will was found guilty! Sentencing began immediately. The defense talked about how it just wasn't in the people's best interest to give Will a jail sentence over what equates to a $2.00 sandwich and Will being a jerk. DUH!!! The prosecution then argued that the law is the law and trespassing and battery were trespassing and battery. And that when you're on probation, you don't get probation. GREAT LINE!!! After ripping Will in half for being a douche bag and being back in his court for the second time in less than a year, the judge revoked his probation and sentenced him to 180 days per charge. That means that Will is going to be in jail for the next two years. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars! The sheriff's deputy put cuffs on Will immediately and took him out of the courtroom. See ya in about 730 days Will! Stupid.
Okay, enough about that. Let's get to what I really wanted to come here to talk about.
In the past four to five years, Amanda and I have had a marriage that a lot of people envy. We never fight, we're never hateful to each other, we show each other the utmost respect and we deeply love each other.
However, this last year I have noticed that sometimes we fight. Sometimes we can be hateful to each other. And I don't like it all, just like I know Amanda doesn't like it at all. I wasn't sure what in the world was going on, so I started praying. I prayed hard. I asked God what in the world was going on in my marriage? It felt like we were losing our footing. It seemed as though the past five years was just a moment of zen, and reality was coming back home to knock us both in the face and tear us down. So I prayed. I continued to pray to God to show me the answers. Please Lord, reveal to me what is happening and how we fix it. As a bit of side note, please understand that the past year has not been a bad year for our marriage. It just felt at times as though things were coming apart at the seams. I had been praying for quite a while, when the other night things seemed to come to a head. We had it out and we both ended up falling asleep angry. I woke up after being asleep for only an hour or so and my mind began racing. I nearly sent myself into a panic attack. I finally fell back asleep at around 7am. After a few more hours of sleep I woke up. Amanda, already awake, sitting beside me. We talked for a long time. Talked. Not argued. Talked.
We worked things out, and together we figured out that our marriage was under attack from the devil. The enemy was doing his best to try to rip our marriage up bit by bit. And he was succeeding. The wonderful thing about having God in our lives is that we have an Ace up our sleeves. He wants ALL marriages to succeed. I invoked the name of Jesus to make the devil flee from our lives once more and began praying for the Lord to restore what had been damaged. Since that day, our marriage has been fun once more. It has that zip that had been absent for a time. We are back. While our love never wavered, there were doubt from both of us. Now I believe we can both confidently say that there is no more doubt. Only love.
Below are a couple of videos that mean a lot to Amanda and I. Give them a listen if you'd like.
God Gave Me You by Dave Barnes. This is the original, beautiful version of this song.
This is the song that Amanda and I chose to be "our song". Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Yep, I'm being attacked
There are quite a few things that I have had on my mind lately and if I don't let them out, I just might blow my top. First on my mind is the entire ordeal going on with our youngest son, Cullen. He is our Aspie. He's my little buddy and I love him with all my heart. I would take a bullet for him and I would fight to the death for him. Fight to the death...That's something we've been having to do a lot of lately. Because of a certain principal at a middle school on the west side of Martinsville, Cullen's first year of High School is turning out to be very difficult. It is almost time for school to start, and he barely has a schedule. It is a very bare boned schedule. He has not been placed in Orchestra, which he excelled in in his time at the middle school level. We were not informed, as we should have been, that Cullen would have to audition for Orchestra. So here we are, three weeks out from the start of classes, and Cullen has not had his audition. We have emailed the director of Martinsville High School's Orchestra and her response was simple. Cullen will need to have violin lessons in order to catch up to what he has missed while out of the school on the west side of town. Remember, he has three weeks to do these lessons and do his audition and get Orchestra put on his schedule for his 9th grade year.
Frustration is starting to set in as we are struggling to keep in contact with the Orchestra teacher. Amanda and I have BOTH tried to reach her via email, only to not hear a response. Our son deserves the same opportunities that other students have already been given. I am so aggravated and furious with how all of this has went down that I could just scream. In no way, shape or form do I think that my son will be the next Wolfgang Mozart (yes, he was a violinist), but I know he enjoys being in Orchestra and enjoys playing his violin and is actually pretty good at it. He also deserves the same chance to be in Orchestra as everyone else had. If he does not receive his chance, you can be certain that I'll be raising some hell. I love hearing my son play his violin. It is sweet music to my ears. It is beautiful to me in a way I had never heard before. I love hearing him play and pray very much that he will get in to Orchestra class this year.
Now on to the second thing that has been eating at me for a while. Any time I post anything at all on Facebook, I get one of three reactions. I either get silence, an "I agree" or lambasted. First of all, let me explain that I post what I want, when I want it. Secondly, let me say that I could be posting MUCH worse things like crude jokes, nude women or a bunch of political propaganda that has nothing to do with anything. But I don't. I don't post any of those. HOWEVER, I do post how I believe. If you feel differently, that's fine. But if you ridicule me for how I feel or what I believe, be prepared to be unleashed upon. I don't treat you like crap for how you feel, and I'll be damned if you do the same thing to me. So let me lay it all out for you right now so you know EXACTLY how I feel. And again, if you unleash on me for how I feel or how I believe, then you had better be prepared to get unleashed upon more harshly than you've ever felt!
1.) I believe in PRO-CHOICE! The only exception is if she uses it as a "oops, I'm a whore" excuse. (Thank you for that line Billy Cooper.)
2.) I believe that EVERY PERSON has the right to get married no matter what gender of person they choose to marry. You have the right to choose who you want to be with for the next few years before you end up cheating on your spouse with a co-worker and then wind up divorced. Gays have that same exact right!!! To deny them that denies them one of their civil rights!
3.) I believe that MOST Republicans are morons. No explanation necessary. You're just idiots. One of your heroes is that douchebag Rush Limbaugh. He honestly believes that The Dark Knight Rises is a movie that was made by Democrats as political propaganda. Freakin' retarded!!!
4.) I believe that a HUGE AMOUNT of Christians are the most closed minded group of people on the planet. And I'm a Christian! Don't believe me fellow Christians??? Just read through numbers 1 and 2 again and you will prove my point.
5.) I believe that Jesus is not white at all. He was born in the Middle East. He grew inside of a Middle-Eastern woman. 2 + 2 DOES NOT equal "Apple". Geez...
6.) I believe that ALL races and religions of people should be treated as equals. Just because someone has a different view in their beliefs does not mean I'm superior over them. It just means that they've found something that works for them. Cool. Except for Scientologists. They can go f*&k themselves!
7.) I believe that MY WIFE is the most important person in my life. If you decide to take it upon yourself to verbally attack her, I WILL strike like a viper. I will not be pleasant, and I will treat you like the p.o.s. that you are. GOT IT?!?!
8.) I believe that I make tons of mistakes every single day of my life. I believe that I've made mistakes in my life that most folks could never even fathom in their wildest dreams. I absolutely, 100% believe that I am not a better person because I have found faith in Jesus. Since I feel that way, I would really appreciate it if you didn't think you're a better person than me because you don't believe yourself to be a sinner. YOU'RE NOT PERFECT! GET OVER YOURSELF!!!
9.) I WILL NOT change my mind because you THINK you're right. If I'm wrong, then I'll deal with it once I get in front of the big guy. Then I'll explain to him that all I wanted to do was to love EVERYONE the way that His Son told me to do! So you might as well keep your closed minded, ignorant thoughts away from me. Cause I'll come at ya.
10.) Why am I doing all of this? Why does it seem like I'm reverting a little bit back to my old self? Well those are two very interesting questions. Both of which I have an equally interesting answer. Because f*$k you, that's why!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Musings of a MAD man
I have SO much to blog about. It has been so long since I've actually done this. There are so many things that I have to say, and this is really the only forum where I can do it and be free to do it and say whatever I want. I am going to include quite a few videos in this blog as well. I hope that you take a moment to listen to them and allow the music to speak to you.
I first want to talk about my job. I absolutely love it! I have been there since June 25, 2012. I never thought it was possible to find a place of employment where I actually enjoy being there, but I have. I get to work with my former BK boss and get to work with two former BK co-workers. I enjoy being with such great friends again, and I love the new craft that I am learning. Casual dining is so different compared to Fast Food. Many more menu items to learn, and believe it or not, it is a much faster pace than Fast Food. But nonetheless, I love it. I have a great boss and have met some truly amazing new co-workers who's friendships I will always cherish.
The next topic I want to discuss is an event that is happening in the very early part of September. I have the privilege of conducting the wedding ceremony of two of my former BK kids. I recently became an Ordained Minister to do this for them. I'm really excited about it, but very nervous at the same time as this is my kids' big day and I don't want to mess it up. I have lots of time to practice before we get to the shindig, but I'm still nervous. So, Cody, Tay, there will always be tough times. There will always be disagreements. There might even always be struggles. But remember, 100% of the time, Love Never Fails. I would like to dedicate this song to the two of you in advance of your wedding.
Of course, being able to conduct the ceremony of my two BK kids is only one reason why I became an Ordained Minister. The other reason is so I can use it as a tool to draw more near to the Lord. I know that I have fallen far from His grace and mercy, but I also know that He still loves me as I am. I am a sinner and it is lucky for me that Jesus is a friend of sinners.
There is a line in the above song that says, "Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing finger." Man...talk about an eye opening line. I think we are all guilty of this at some point. Some perhaps more than others. I know that I'm very guilty of it. I was the lost cause. I was the outcast. But You died for sinners just like me. And I thank you for that my Jesus. Thank you. So I am hoping very much that by becoming an Ordained Minister that I can have a closer relationship to Jesus. Learn to walk closer to Him, and learn that every person, no matter their background. No matter their story. No matter what they've done to me, deserves love. My ex brother-in-law. Who has done some terrible, terrible things to me and mine. He deserves love and forgiveness. My Mother. Who has turned her back on me and has told me to stay away. She deserves love and forgiveness. Jesus clearly gave us ALL one last command when He said;
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 23 34-35
If that doesn't tell you that we are supposed to love everyone, no matter what, then I don't know what does. This is an area that I struggle with immensely. I want to love everyone. I try to love everyone. I defend "the least of these". But I struggle so much with forgiveness. So the Lord decided to bring this song into my life.
The first time I heard this song I knew that I had to forgive those who have wronged me. God had brought this song into my life to help change me. He brought this into my life to help make me a better person. I have to admit, I don't know where my ex brother-in-law lives. But I would love to tell him face to face that while he hurt me in a way that no person has or will ever hurt me, I forgive him for what he has done. I guess that it will just have to do for now, knowing that I forgive him. Even though I'm not able to tell him face to face. I would also love to be able to tell my Mother that I forgive her as well for disowning me and turning her back on me. But I know what her response would be. She would tell me that she does not need forgiveness, because she has done nothing wrong...And she really does believe that.
Now I want to talk about the events of today. The shootings in Aurora, Colorado. I do not know anyone that was in that theater. I don't know their names. I may never know their names. But these events have left my heart shattered in pieces. I am so saddened by what this agent of evil has done to these people in their time of escape from a world that is fracturing all around us. Today our world fractured even more. A monster walked into Theater #9 at around 12:20AM, during the Midnight Premiere of The Dark Knight Rises, and opened fire. Killing 12. Injuring 59 more. I'll never know any of them.
So why is this tearing at my soul so much? The answer is simple. Can you not see the answer staring you in your face? It is because I TRULY DO LOVE everyone. I have taken Jesus' final commandment that He gave us to heart. I care too much and I love too hard. When someone is caused unnecessary pain, I hurt with them. When I climbed into my car this morning and first heard the news of what had happened mere hours before, I was stunned. My chin fell in my lap and I tried to pick it back up again. As more details quickly emerged in the 45 minutes that it took me to get to work, I wept with the news of another life lost. When I got home and finally had a chance to talk with my wife about everything, I cried once more. Not because another life was lost, but because I had put two and two together and realized that my best friend had went to the Midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises last night in Indianapolis.
I understood that with all of the shootings and murders that happen in Indianapolis all the time, this horrific massacre could easily have happened in ANY Smalltown, USA. It could have happened in OUR Smalltown, USA. And it could have been my best friend who lay lifeless on the floor of that movie theater. I wept. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved in Aurora, Colorado. Including the shooter. Even though tonight he was one of hell's assassins, he is still a child of God, and he deserves the Lord's grace and mercy just like we all do.
So to the families, the victims, the officers that have seen too much throughout this out of the ordinary day, I would like to dedicate this song to you. Just watch what happens when the hurt and the Healer collide.
A fellow blogger who was in Theater #9 posted her thoughts on the events once she got home and had a chance to calm herself and her kids. Take a moment to read her words. They're very powerful. Check her blog out here.
I will try real hard to keep blogging. Please understand though that I work very long hours and the time that I do have at home, I enjoy spending as much time with my wife and kids as I possibly can. As always, leave me some comments if you'd like. I won't get offended at all if you disagree with anything that I have to say. I won't matter at all. Because I'll still love you.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Blog, blog, blog. Blog, blog, blog.
As per usual I have so much on my mind. I don't even know where to start. So, I guess I'll just begin the ramblings of a madman.
As you may or may not know, I love tattoos. I have six of them right now and plan to do many more under the right circumstances. Every single one of my tattoos have a meaning to them. They have a purpose. I didn't just get them just because I thought they were cool. They all mean something special to me. I am going to post some pictures of some tattoos that I have, that other people have and that I love.
The top one, Amanda got for me. The bottom one, I got for her. Now, you have to understand that I have ALWAYS been 100% dead set against getting her name tattooed anywhere on me. Call me superstitious, call me stupid. What ever you want. But I've been completely against it. I believed it to be a curse. However, I will say that this is my favorite tattoo that I have on me. Period. It is a beautiful work of art that has my best friend's and lover's name on it. What's not for me to love? Now I will tell you that this was also the most painful tattoo that I have as well. I was in some serious pain while getting this done. It was worth it to me though. What convinced me to get it done was that after 17 years together, and all the misery and bull shit that I put my wife through, she deserved this. She had rightfully earned this tattoo. I have no regrets about getting it. Like I said, this is my favorite tattoo that I have.
This one is my Lacrae 1-1-Six tat. Lacrae is one of my favorite Christian musicians. He is a rapper. I normally cannot stand rap music. In fact, I pretty much hate it, but this guy is the truth. He is on fire for Christ. You can hear his passion for the Lord and for spreading the gospel in his music and lyrics. I got this tattoo the day after seeing him in concert. The red continuous R's stand for "Resurrect, Rebuild and Rehabilitate in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit". The 1-1-Six is for Romans 1:16 which says; "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes. First to the Jews, then to the Gentile.
My first ever tattoo. Well, the name was anyway. I got this tattoo not long after Hayden was born. After 14 years, it had faded immensely. I had Inky outline the name and re-color it as well as add the bull. Hayden is a Taurus after all. It only seemed fitting.
This was my second tattoo. It is hard to see, because again, it is fading. But it is a white tiger with Cullen's name underneath it. I really want to get this one refinished as soon as possible. I just have to come up with the money.
Aahhh...my Homer tattoo. This was my very first tribute tat. I had this one done for my best friend who lost his battle with cancer in January of 2010. He and I had a lot of good times together when we were younger. However, like most friends from high school do, we lost touch once we graduated. Yes, his name is Brad, but I always called him Homer. Sitting in his kitchen one night with him and his mother, I had to laugh when the two of them began bickering. Like most teenage boys do, Bradley kept antagonizing his mother. She got fed up with this and yelled his full name; BRADLEY HOMER LITTELL! I stopped dead in my tracks and looked straight at her. "What did you say?" I asked her. Brad began begging his mom not to repeat it. "Bradley Homer Littell" she told me. I nearly fell out of the kitchen chair I was laughing so hard. From that day forward I never called him Brad. He would always be Homer to me. As rabid Indiana Hoosier fans, I felt that a tattoo of Homer Simpson dressed in IU gear was a very fitting tribute to my brother. I love you Homer. Philippians 1:3 brother. I thank my God every time I remember you.
On his birthday of this year, I stopped by to see him. If you look up and to the right of his headstone, you'll see a small Homer Simpson action figure. I had to put that there.
This was Amanda's third tattoo. However, unfortunately, it is her second tribute tattoo. Mom passed away January 2, 2011 at 1:11pm. She lost her battle with breast cancer. This is one of my favorite tattoos that I've seen. Not because the quality of work is the best I've ever seen, or because of the colors, or because of who it's on. It's one of my favorites because of who it's for. Sherry was a very special lady and I love and miss her very much.
This is obviously my Superman/Batman tat. I have loved these two characters since I was a little kid. I can remember my Nonnie had a red bath towel that I would pin around my neck and run around the house pretending I was Superman. And of course, who doesn't love Batman?!?!
This is one that was done on my brother's daughter. It is her tattoo for him. He loves wolves very much, so she got this one for him. I love the color and the look and feel of the ink. It looks very much like a real wolf. Even though this isn't my tattoo, I just had to post it because of how awesome the work is!
Of course, the big lump of coal on the left in this picture is me. The guy on the right is Inky...I mean Dustin. He is the guy who has done all of the tattoos above with the exception of my tattoo for Cullen. Although I really would like for him to touch that one up. I currently have him working on a design for a new one for me. Naturally once it's finished I will post it on Facebook and most likely here too. I hope you've enjoyed!
As you may or may not know, I love tattoos. I have six of them right now and plan to do many more under the right circumstances. Every single one of my tattoos have a meaning to them. They have a purpose. I didn't just get them just because I thought they were cool. They all mean something special to me. I am going to post some pictures of some tattoos that I have, that other people have and that I love.
The top one, Amanda got for me. The bottom one, I got for her. Now, you have to understand that I have ALWAYS been 100% dead set against getting her name tattooed anywhere on me. Call me superstitious, call me stupid. What ever you want. But I've been completely against it. I believed it to be a curse. However, I will say that this is my favorite tattoo that I have on me. Period. It is a beautiful work of art that has my best friend's and lover's name on it. What's not for me to love? Now I will tell you that this was also the most painful tattoo that I have as well. I was in some serious pain while getting this done. It was worth it to me though. What convinced me to get it done was that after 17 years together, and all the misery and bull shit that I put my wife through, she deserved this. She had rightfully earned this tattoo. I have no regrets about getting it. Like I said, this is my favorite tattoo that I have.
This one is my Lacrae 1-1-Six tat. Lacrae is one of my favorite Christian musicians. He is a rapper. I normally cannot stand rap music. In fact, I pretty much hate it, but this guy is the truth. He is on fire for Christ. You can hear his passion for the Lord and for spreading the gospel in his music and lyrics. I got this tattoo the day after seeing him in concert. The red continuous R's stand for "Resurrect, Rebuild and Rehabilitate in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit". The 1-1-Six is for Romans 1:16 which says; "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes. First to the Jews, then to the Gentile.
My first ever tattoo. Well, the name was anyway. I got this tattoo not long after Hayden was born. After 14 years, it had faded immensely. I had Inky outline the name and re-color it as well as add the bull. Hayden is a Taurus after all. It only seemed fitting.
This was my second tattoo. It is hard to see, because again, it is fading. But it is a white tiger with Cullen's name underneath it. I really want to get this one refinished as soon as possible. I just have to come up with the money.
Aahhh...my Homer tattoo. This was my very first tribute tat. I had this one done for my best friend who lost his battle with cancer in January of 2010. He and I had a lot of good times together when we were younger. However, like most friends from high school do, we lost touch once we graduated. Yes, his name is Brad, but I always called him Homer. Sitting in his kitchen one night with him and his mother, I had to laugh when the two of them began bickering. Like most teenage boys do, Bradley kept antagonizing his mother. She got fed up with this and yelled his full name; BRADLEY HOMER LITTELL! I stopped dead in my tracks and looked straight at her. "What did you say?" I asked her. Brad began begging his mom not to repeat it. "Bradley Homer Littell" she told me. I nearly fell out of the kitchen chair I was laughing so hard. From that day forward I never called him Brad. He would always be Homer to me. As rabid Indiana Hoosier fans, I felt that a tattoo of Homer Simpson dressed in IU gear was a very fitting tribute to my brother. I love you Homer. Philippians 1:3 brother. I thank my God every time I remember you.
On his birthday of this year, I stopped by to see him. If you look up and to the right of his headstone, you'll see a small Homer Simpson action figure. I had to put that there.
This was Amanda's third tattoo. However, unfortunately, it is her second tribute tattoo. Mom passed away January 2, 2011 at 1:11pm. She lost her battle with breast cancer. This is one of my favorite tattoos that I've seen. Not because the quality of work is the best I've ever seen, or because of the colors, or because of who it's on. It's one of my favorites because of who it's for. Sherry was a very special lady and I love and miss her very much.
This is obviously my Superman/Batman tat. I have loved these two characters since I was a little kid. I can remember my Nonnie had a red bath towel that I would pin around my neck and run around the house pretending I was Superman. And of course, who doesn't love Batman?!?!
This is one that was done on my brother's daughter. It is her tattoo for him. He loves wolves very much, so she got this one for him. I love the color and the look and feel of the ink. It looks very much like a real wolf. Even though this isn't my tattoo, I just had to post it because of how awesome the work is!
Of course, the big lump of coal on the left in this picture is me. The guy on the right is Inky...I mean Dustin. He is the guy who has done all of the tattoos above with the exception of my tattoo for Cullen. Although I really would like for him to touch that one up. I currently have him working on a design for a new one for me. Naturally once it's finished I will post it on Facebook and most likely here too. I hope you've enjoyed!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
It's official
There are two things I want to discuss in this particular blog. Both topics will have a resounding effect on mine and my family's lives. These two subjects have been in the forefront of our lives for the past few weeks and even months. I think it is just time to get into it.
The first thing is my career. Yes, I said career. Working is no longer a job for me. I have advanced so quickly in such a short amount of time that I could most likely go to any fast food joint and get a General Manager's position. Friday is my unofficial last day at Burger King. I have a few vacation days that I am taking to finish off my two weeks notice. My final day with BK is Monday, March 12, 2012. However, Friday is my final working day. I will miss most of the people that I work with at my little store in Trafalgar. There are one or two that I really don't give a crap about, but I will miss most every one. Josh, Lilly, Christin, Cameron, Simone, Andrea and Larry. We've had a pretty good run, and made some tremendous strides with our small corner of the BK galaxy. Number 1 in Speed of Service in our district. Number 1 in Speed of Service in the state of Indiana. And Top 10 in Speed of Service for the Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky area. That's something to be proud of. And not to mention that we whupped Amanda and Whiteland's back side rather handily! HA! Thank you to all who worked so hard to turn our speed around. Be proud of what you did. Be pleased with yourselves, and don't ever take your foot off the gas pedal. I love you guys, and I will miss you so much!
The next thing is something that has been very prominent and dominating in our lives since November. Our youngest son, Cullen Jean. Today the lady who evaluated Cullen for Asperger's Syndrome called and spoke with Amanda. She told her that she presented her findings to the Diagnosis Team and after reviewing Cullen's case and hearing what the evaluator had to say and what she discovered within minutes of interviewing us, the clinical psychologists have officially diagnosed Cullen Jean with Asperger's Syndrome. It is 100%, in stone and rock solid diagnosis.
So what does this diagnosis mean for our family then? Absolutely NOTHING! We will work with Centerstone to come up with a plan for a balanced and healthy life for Cullen. They will give us tips, tools and advice for helping him adjust to what makes no sense to him in this world. There is no cure. Nor do I wish for there to be a cure for our son. He is who he is. To find a "cure" for him would change who he is forever. That is not what we want. We just want him to learn to be a well adjusted, creative, funny, clever member of society! With Asperger's Syndrome, one of their conditions is that there are things in this world that just do not make sense to them. Our son is a classic case of that. He cannot fathom, comprehend or even begin to think that his words or actions can have severe consequences, or any kind of consequences at all. His brain, regardless of how intelligent he is, and he is, just cannot process those types of thoughts. There are other traits and habits that he has that places him under the Autism Umbrella that make him unique and who he is, such as nuclear meltdowns over things that you and I would just be slightly frustrated with and dismiss just as easily. Again, things that his brain just cannot process normally.
Most would just toss him aside and say he has anger management issues. Most would just punish him as a trouble maker. They do that because of their ignorance. I forgive them for their ignorance, but I will never forget.
That being said, I wanna let you all know that it's pretty cool to be an Aspie! Here is a list of some famous people who were diagnosed or believed to have Asperger's Syndrome. They are, directors Stanley Kubrick, Tim Burton and Steven Spielberg, painter Andy Warhol, computer genius Bill Gates, authors Lewis Carroll, Jonathon Swift and Emily Dickinson, scientists Nikola Tesla, Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, United States Presidents Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln and video game creator Satoshi Tajiri. I know a lot of you don't know the last person. He is the man who invented Cullen's all time favorite thing. POKEMON! Cullen really thought that was incredible. Suddenly, he didn't feel like an outcast or a trouble maker. Now it all made sense to him and he is okay with it. That is all we want. Acceptance. That is all that anyone who is diagnosed under the Autism Umbrella wants. Know this, there is no cure. There will never be a cure. Anyone with any sort of Autism does not want a cure. They just want one thing. And that is to be accepted.
The first thing is my career. Yes, I said career. Working is no longer a job for me. I have advanced so quickly in such a short amount of time that I could most likely go to any fast food joint and get a General Manager's position. Friday is my unofficial last day at Burger King. I have a few vacation days that I am taking to finish off my two weeks notice. My final day with BK is Monday, March 12, 2012. However, Friday is my final working day. I will miss most of the people that I work with at my little store in Trafalgar. There are one or two that I really don't give a crap about, but I will miss most every one. Josh, Lilly, Christin, Cameron, Simone, Andrea and Larry. We've had a pretty good run, and made some tremendous strides with our small corner of the BK galaxy. Number 1 in Speed of Service in our district. Number 1 in Speed of Service in the state of Indiana. And Top 10 in Speed of Service for the Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky area. That's something to be proud of. And not to mention that we whupped Amanda and Whiteland's back side rather handily! HA! Thank you to all who worked so hard to turn our speed around. Be proud of what you did. Be pleased with yourselves, and don't ever take your foot off the gas pedal. I love you guys, and I will miss you so much!
The next thing is something that has been very prominent and dominating in our lives since November. Our youngest son, Cullen Jean. Today the lady who evaluated Cullen for Asperger's Syndrome called and spoke with Amanda. She told her that she presented her findings to the Diagnosis Team and after reviewing Cullen's case and hearing what the evaluator had to say and what she discovered within minutes of interviewing us, the clinical psychologists have officially diagnosed Cullen Jean with Asperger's Syndrome. It is 100%, in stone and rock solid diagnosis.
So what does this diagnosis mean for our family then? Absolutely NOTHING! We will work with Centerstone to come up with a plan for a balanced and healthy life for Cullen. They will give us tips, tools and advice for helping him adjust to what makes no sense to him in this world. There is no cure. Nor do I wish for there to be a cure for our son. He is who he is. To find a "cure" for him would change who he is forever. That is not what we want. We just want him to learn to be a well adjusted, creative, funny, clever member of society! With Asperger's Syndrome, one of their conditions is that there are things in this world that just do not make sense to them. Our son is a classic case of that. He cannot fathom, comprehend or even begin to think that his words or actions can have severe consequences, or any kind of consequences at all. His brain, regardless of how intelligent he is, and he is, just cannot process those types of thoughts. There are other traits and habits that he has that places him under the Autism Umbrella that make him unique and who he is, such as nuclear meltdowns over things that you and I would just be slightly frustrated with and dismiss just as easily. Again, things that his brain just cannot process normally.
Most would just toss him aside and say he has anger management issues. Most would just punish him as a trouble maker. They do that because of their ignorance. I forgive them for their ignorance, but I will never forget.
That being said, I wanna let you all know that it's pretty cool to be an Aspie! Here is a list of some famous people who were diagnosed or believed to have Asperger's Syndrome. They are, directors Stanley Kubrick, Tim Burton and Steven Spielberg, painter Andy Warhol, computer genius Bill Gates, authors Lewis Carroll, Jonathon Swift and Emily Dickinson, scientists Nikola Tesla, Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, United States Presidents Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln and video game creator Satoshi Tajiri. I know a lot of you don't know the last person. He is the man who invented Cullen's all time favorite thing. POKEMON! Cullen really thought that was incredible. Suddenly, he didn't feel like an outcast or a trouble maker. Now it all made sense to him and he is okay with it. That is all we want. Acceptance. That is all that anyone who is diagnosed under the Autism Umbrella wants. Know this, there is no cure. There will never be a cure. Anyone with any sort of Autism does not want a cure. They just want one thing. And that is to be accepted.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A Father's Love
Let me begin by saying that under no circumstances do I want anyone to finish reading this and feel sorry for me. That is not the intent of this writing. I am doing this just to get these thoughts out of my head and to let everyone in just a little bit. I am rather guarded when it comes to letting people in, so this is just me opening up a bit.
So in case no one knows, I am 36 years old and have been a father for almost 15 years now. I love both of my boys very much and would gladly lay down my life to save either of theirs. I have watched and participated as my big guys went from tiny infants to well behaved young men. My love for my kids has grown so much and so deeply over the years that I simply cannot imagine my life without them. Hayden and Cullen are two of the coolest kids I've ever met. Hayden is so talented musically. He can play the trumpet and guitar. He also wants to learn to play the piano. I know that he can do it, it is just a matter of us being able to find the time and money to get him lessons. He is also so intelligent when he puts his mind to it and it holds his interest. Cullen Jean is so unique. He too has musical talent as he can play the violin. However, his true skills lie in his memory. He is so incredibly smart. We honestly don't know where he gets his intelligence from. I mean, I'm smart. My wife is smart. However, he puts us both to shame.
The purpose of this blog isn't to pump up my boys. It is to ask how a parent can just turn their backs on the children? I honestly cannot fathom taking another breath on this earth without either of my boys with me. I love them. I'm in love with them. They are my whole world. Of course they make me angry, or get under my skin. But what child doesn't get on their parents' nerves? I just do not understand how a parent can ignore, disown or not love their children.
Take me for example. My father had very little to nothing to do with me when I was growing up. He didn't want to be involved in anything I did until I was married and we had a child on the way. Even then, he was so wishy washy that I finally had to eliminate him from my life. Wash my hands of him and be completely done. No more chances and no more heartache. Over the course of about 5 years he was on again, off again with me. He hated me. He loved me. He wanted me around. He couldn't stand the sight of me. I had finally had enough and could not bear the pain he always left in my heart whenever he would walk away once again. I have not spoken a word to him for over 10 years now, if not more.
Then there is my mother. I honestly believe that I could write an entire book about her and how bad she has hurt me over the past 7 years. So instead of mimicking Robert Jordan or Stephen King and presenting this as a thousand page manuscript, I'm just going to shorten this up quite a bit. My mother turned her back on me and my boys over 7 years ago. Something happened in our family, and as per usual with her, I was made out to be the bad guy. I was the one who was at fault and the one who paid the price. She remained the matriarch of the family and everyone continued to bow at her feet and worship her as if she were some sort of goddess. She kept the love of a very large family and surrounded and showered herself with all of their love. I was left with my wife and kids. Not that that is a bad thing. But something was missing. There was a hole in my heart that had been torn out. I now had a void.
Over those 7 years, I tried many times to contact her. To try to patch things up and start anew. She was having none of it. So on February 22 of this year I tried one final time to reach out to her and my step-dad. I called them to share the news we had recently received about Cullen. I spoke with my step-dad for about five minutes. While on the phone, I gave him my cell phone number and told him that if either of them ever wanted to use it, then please do. The next day was my birthday. I was hoping so much and with all my might that my mother would call me to wish me happy birthday. You never know how much you miss hearing those two words from your mother until you never hear them again. So I waited. Patiently I waited for her to call. Even if it was just a 30 second phone call to tell me happy birthday. I did not care at this point. I just wanted her to call me. I wanted it just so I would know that she still loved me and still cared. That maybe somewhere she still thought about me.
As the day went on, the pain from the past 7 years came bubbling up to the surface until it nearly overflowed. Some how I managed to fight back the tears and shove it back down once again. The day turned into night and I had not received the phone call I was praying for. I was devastated once more. My heart was broken again and I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that my mother does not love me, want me, care for me or even think of me. I am without family. I am alone.
For 11 years now I have known one of the greatest friends I could ever meet. A few years after that, he introduced me to another amazing and wonderful friend. A few months after that there was yet another amazing friend introduced. It all started as casual friendships. It has turned into so much more. Today, Gary, Dustin and Kambui are my family. They are not just friends. In some way, I always knew that they were never just friends. I had always known that they would be the ones who would lift me up when I would fall. They would be the ear that listened to all of my complaining. They would be the ones to offer up advice when I was lost without an answer. I knew that they would be my family. I've always believed that God puts people in your life that you or they need. That is what He did for me with Gary, Dustin and Kambui. Now I have come to realize that God also takes people out of our lives that we no longer need. He removes people from our lives that He knows are going to cause us infinite pain. He puts people in our lives that He knows we have to have.
On my birthday, my brother Dustin and his wife Robyn welcomed their first grandchild into this world. Little Jaxon Wade was born on my birthday! How cool is that?!?! My brother's grandson and I share the same birthday! On a day when I was so down because of my mother and how she doesn't love me, God brought a wonderful child into my life. For those who don't believe in Him or in miracles, Jaxon is living proof that He does exist and that tiny miracles happen every day!
So to those who mean the world to me, Amanda, Hayden, Cullen Jean, Gary, Kambui, Josh G., Josh B., Rusty, Matt and Amanda M., Dustin, Robyn, Sarah and now little Jaxon, you are my family and I love you all so very much! It is you all who have filled the void. You all who have showed me that I am not alone. It is because of you that my faith in love and family have been restored. Thank you.
So in case no one knows, I am 36 years old and have been a father for almost 15 years now. I love both of my boys very much and would gladly lay down my life to save either of theirs. I have watched and participated as my big guys went from tiny infants to well behaved young men. My love for my kids has grown so much and so deeply over the years that I simply cannot imagine my life without them. Hayden and Cullen are two of the coolest kids I've ever met. Hayden is so talented musically. He can play the trumpet and guitar. He also wants to learn to play the piano. I know that he can do it, it is just a matter of us being able to find the time and money to get him lessons. He is also so intelligent when he puts his mind to it and it holds his interest. Cullen Jean is so unique. He too has musical talent as he can play the violin. However, his true skills lie in his memory. He is so incredibly smart. We honestly don't know where he gets his intelligence from. I mean, I'm smart. My wife is smart. However, he puts us both to shame.
The purpose of this blog isn't to pump up my boys. It is to ask how a parent can just turn their backs on the children? I honestly cannot fathom taking another breath on this earth without either of my boys with me. I love them. I'm in love with them. They are my whole world. Of course they make me angry, or get under my skin. But what child doesn't get on their parents' nerves? I just do not understand how a parent can ignore, disown or not love their children.
Take me for example. My father had very little to nothing to do with me when I was growing up. He didn't want to be involved in anything I did until I was married and we had a child on the way. Even then, he was so wishy washy that I finally had to eliminate him from my life. Wash my hands of him and be completely done. No more chances and no more heartache. Over the course of about 5 years he was on again, off again with me. He hated me. He loved me. He wanted me around. He couldn't stand the sight of me. I had finally had enough and could not bear the pain he always left in my heart whenever he would walk away once again. I have not spoken a word to him for over 10 years now, if not more.
Then there is my mother. I honestly believe that I could write an entire book about her and how bad she has hurt me over the past 7 years. So instead of mimicking Robert Jordan or Stephen King and presenting this as a thousand page manuscript, I'm just going to shorten this up quite a bit. My mother turned her back on me and my boys over 7 years ago. Something happened in our family, and as per usual with her, I was made out to be the bad guy. I was the one who was at fault and the one who paid the price. She remained the matriarch of the family and everyone continued to bow at her feet and worship her as if she were some sort of goddess. She kept the love of a very large family and surrounded and showered herself with all of their love. I was left with my wife and kids. Not that that is a bad thing. But something was missing. There was a hole in my heart that had been torn out. I now had a void.
Over those 7 years, I tried many times to contact her. To try to patch things up and start anew. She was having none of it. So on February 22 of this year I tried one final time to reach out to her and my step-dad. I called them to share the news we had recently received about Cullen. I spoke with my step-dad for about five minutes. While on the phone, I gave him my cell phone number and told him that if either of them ever wanted to use it, then please do. The next day was my birthday. I was hoping so much and with all my might that my mother would call me to wish me happy birthday. You never know how much you miss hearing those two words from your mother until you never hear them again. So I waited. Patiently I waited for her to call. Even if it was just a 30 second phone call to tell me happy birthday. I did not care at this point. I just wanted her to call me. I wanted it just so I would know that she still loved me and still cared. That maybe somewhere she still thought about me.
As the day went on, the pain from the past 7 years came bubbling up to the surface until it nearly overflowed. Some how I managed to fight back the tears and shove it back down once again. The day turned into night and I had not received the phone call I was praying for. I was devastated once more. My heart was broken again and I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that my mother does not love me, want me, care for me or even think of me. I am without family. I am alone.
For 11 years now I have known one of the greatest friends I could ever meet. A few years after that, he introduced me to another amazing and wonderful friend. A few months after that there was yet another amazing friend introduced. It all started as casual friendships. It has turned into so much more. Today, Gary, Dustin and Kambui are my family. They are not just friends. In some way, I always knew that they were never just friends. I had always known that they would be the ones who would lift me up when I would fall. They would be the ear that listened to all of my complaining. They would be the ones to offer up advice when I was lost without an answer. I knew that they would be my family. I've always believed that God puts people in your life that you or they need. That is what He did for me with Gary, Dustin and Kambui. Now I have come to realize that God also takes people out of our lives that we no longer need. He removes people from our lives that He knows are going to cause us infinite pain. He puts people in our lives that He knows we have to have.
On my birthday, my brother Dustin and his wife Robyn welcomed their first grandchild into this world. Little Jaxon Wade was born on my birthday! How cool is that?!?! My brother's grandson and I share the same birthday! On a day when I was so down because of my mother and how she doesn't love me, God brought a wonderful child into my life. For those who don't believe in Him or in miracles, Jaxon is living proof that He does exist and that tiny miracles happen every day!
So to those who mean the world to me, Amanda, Hayden, Cullen Jean, Gary, Kambui, Josh G., Josh B., Rusty, Matt and Amanda M., Dustin, Robyn, Sarah and now little Jaxon, you are my family and I love you all so very much! It is you all who have filled the void. You all who have showed me that I am not alone. It is because of you that my faith in love and family have been restored. Thank you.
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